( 4:05 PM )
FIFA World Cup
I've got a giant plasma TV directly in front of my desk at work. Usually it's tuned to CNN or MSNBC, but this month it's "FIFA all day, every day". (Too many European's in the office. I'm going to scream "equal time" come baseball playoffs.)
Anyway, I've watched more soccer in the past 2 weeks then I have in my whole life. I've come to a couple of conclusions:
1. Soccer is the most athletic sport on the planet
2. Soccer is too difficult
3. Soccer is too polite
I'm really impressed with how athletic these players are. It is non-stop running and jumping and kicking and falling down. The field is huge – and the effort to just run up and down the field once at full speed would probably kill any baseball, football or basketball player (with the exception of a couple of football wide receivers). Yet these soccer players run it for 90 minutes.
But that's the problem. This game is too difficult. There's not enough scoring. Seeing a goal scored in soccer in real-time is like seeing a shooting star. The moment you look away, someone finally scores. You're forced to watch the replay 50 times, because the network is dying for something to highlight. To watch a game for 90 minutes and only see (or see it in replay) 1 goal is really disappointing.
Every soccer game I've seen is like this unbelievable pitchers' duel in baseball. It's very exciting and suspenseful, and as it gets closer to the end, the pressure to score is unbearable. But ultimately, pitchers' duels are boring. A pitchers' duel every blue moon is cool, but in the large scope of things people like scoring. They like homeruns and triples and stolen bases and plays-at-the-plate. Soccer needs more scoring.
I think soccer could benefit from an Arena Football-like makeover. Here's how:
1. Make the field smaller, it's way too big. Guys are exhausted by the time they get down the field, they barely have the energy to kick the ball into the goal.
2. Have less guys on the field. There's way too many guys running around. This is why no one can score. People keep getting in the way.
3. Maybe even get rid of the goalie. He just gets in the way. Basketball thrives without a single guy guarding the net. Just make it everyone's responsibility to guard the net whenever the ball is on your side of the field.
4. Run the clock backwards like everybody else. It's kind of distracting to look at the clock and see 20 minutes and not think there is only 20 minutes left in the game.
5. Stop with all the politeness. This is a sport - not a cocktail party. If a guy gives you an elbow in the face, don't let me catch you helping him up off the ground later in the game. Get your posse together and make sure he remembers to keep his elbows to himself next time with a good ol' fashion group tackle.
6. Lose the shiny shirts. I don't know how this will make soccer better, I just find all the shiny shirts really distracting.
Apologies to hardcore soccer fans. If you like, you're welcome to stop by my desk and blow a whistle and raise a red card over my head.
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0 comments
( 12:58 PM )
Move story
Moving a family and 10 years worth of crap is a mentally and physically draining experience. I can't imagine anybody doing this more than once.
Here's a quick funny move story: On my last trip from old house to new house with a truck load of crap, I stopped at a shopping plaza to pick up something (at Office Depot, I think). After I got home I realize that a garbage can full of miscellaneous items was missing from my truck. Stolen. I pretty much knew what was in it – old toaster oven, bag full of spices, some misc clothing items that never made it into a box, etc. Nothing really critical. I laughed mostly at the thought of the expression on the thief’s face when he opened it up. Anyway, a week doesn't go by that my wife can't find something and claims that it must have been in that garbage can. At this point, that garbage can must have been like a Dr. Who garbage can, as the amount of stuff she claims is missing would fill up an entire dumpster.
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1 comments
( 10:00 AM )
Hebron Maple Festival
So I recently moved up to the charming town of Hebron, Connecticut. Quite a different lifestyle from the hectic pace of Fairfield County life, within the shadow of New York City. Up in Northern Connecticut life revolves around the simplier things in life – with more focus on nature and wildlife and the environment. I grew in New Hampshire and Maine, so I'm use to that way of thinking, but I never really knew it existed in Connecticut.
In our newly adopted town of Hebron, Maple Syrup is a major part of it's lifestyle and heritage. Several sugar houses producing genuine Connecticut Maple Syrup exist in town, and this past weekend Hebron celebrated it's 16th annual Maple Festival. This was only our third weekend in Hebron, and while we had long ago decided that this was a charming, farm-filled town that we knew we would enjoy living in, we were still unprepared for the charm of Maplefest.
 Now, since I grew up in Northern New England, I'm no stranger to seeing sap buckets on trees in the early spring – but I don't recall seeing anything like sapping in Hebron. Without exaggeration, literally overnight, sap buckets by the thousands popped up on seemingly every tree in town. We felt awkward being the only house on our road with bucketless trees. Whether there be 5 maple trees or 100 maple trees in your yard, people slapped a bucket on it.
It's a good look. Those traditional tin buckets hanging on a tree a few feet off the ground, add a New England picturesque postcard feel everywhere you look. And most of the sap buckets on residential properties and along the scenic roads of Hebron adhere to this traditional and (dare I say it again) charming look. But like most businesses, no matter how traditional and historic, eventually need to forego the charm associated with it in exchange for bigger, faster and more profitable techniques.
 Welcome to "sapping 2006". Instead of the tin buckets, white plastic compound buckets are used. The buckets are left on the ground while plastic tubing runs from the tree to the bucket. We saw these "sapping farms" in the back woods near the Sugar Houses and were a bit taken back at the look of a beautiful wooded forest littered with thousands of white compound buckets. But before we could discuss the shame of it, we stumbled across an even worse look. On another stretch of wooded property, multi-colored tubing ran from tree to tree to tree, throughout the forest, collecting sap from the trees like some sort of intravenous sap highway.
 While I'm sure this technique is not new – it's my first exposure to it. The reasons are obvious – easier and faster sap collection. But just like a sapping spout drains the sap from the tree, this new sapping technique saps the charm out of the whole process. Business needs over esthetics.
It's not enough to take away from Hebron's overall charm, but it does add a question as to the future of the small town Maple Syrup industry. My hope is that tradition and nature's beauty and appeal will prevail over profitability.
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0 comments
( 10:54 AM )
Why is Sleepys still in business?
I was in the market for a new mattress for my son last week and called two of the big mattress retailers to get price and model information. Here are those conversations:
Sleepys: Hello, Sleepys.
Me: Hi, do you carry Serta Perfect Sleeper?
Sleepys: Yes we do.
Me: Can you tell me if you have a twin size with box spring in stock?
Sleepys: I'm sure we do. Why don't you come down to our showroom?
Me: Well, actually I'd like to make sure you have it in stock before I drive down there. I also need to know if it is 18" in height. I'm trying to match an existing bed setup.
Sleepys: Well sir, I don't know what height sizes they come in, but you're welcome to come down to our showroom with a tape measure and measure them.
Me: IF you have them in stock...
Sleepys: I'm sure we do.
Me: But you can't check for me so I don't waste my time driving 20 minutes to your store?
Sleepys: I'm sorry sir, I can't.
Me: Okay, that's fine. How much is the Serta Perfect Sleeper twin mattress and box spring.
Sleepys: I can't give you that information.
Me: (big pause) Excuse me?
Sleepys: We can't give out that information on the phone. You'll have to come down to the store for prices.
Me: (another big pause) I'm sorry, did you say you can't 'give out that information on the phone'? Why not?
Sleepys: That's just our policy.
Me: You realize that's a dumb policy. I'm not asking for your social security number. I'm asking you the price of a mattress.
Sleepys: Sorry sir.
Me: Okay, just so I'm clear. You THINK you have the mattress I want in stock, but you CAN'T check. You CAN'T check to see if it's the correct height. And you CAN'T give me the price of that mattress. Is that correct?
Sleepys: Yes, sir.
Me: I'm calling several mattress retailers. If another retailer can provide me with this information, why would I buy a mattress from you?
Sleepys: No idea sir.
Me: Thank you for you help.
Sleepys: You're welcome.
1-800-MATTRESS: 1-800-Mattress, Rudy speaking, can I help you?
Me: Yes, do you carry Serta Perfect Sleeper?
1-800-MATTRESS: Yes we do.
Me: Do you have a twin mattress and box spring in stock?
1-800-MATTRESS: Hold on, let me check. (Pause) Yes, computer says we do.
Me: Great. Do you know what the combined height of that mattress and box spring is? I'm trying to match another setup.
1-800-MATTRESS: What size does it need to be?
Me: 18 inches.
1-800-MATTRESS: If you hold on I'll go measure it.
Me: Great, thanks.
1-800-MATTRESS: (Minute later) Sir? It measures 19 inches. But yours is probably the same model, but has flattened a bit over the years. We have less plush mattresses that might be 18 inches, but they might not be as comfortable.
Me: No, no. 19 inches is fine. That's great. How much is it?
1-800-MATTRESS: $399 plus tax.
Me: Okay, great. How late are you open today?
1-800-MATTRESS: Until 8pm. But if you like we can deliver it for an additional $19.
Me: Deliver it? Really? When?
1-800-MATTRESS: Probably today.
Me: For twenty bucks?
1-800-MATTRESS: Nineteen, actually. And they'll set it up.
Me: Set it up? Like carry it upstairs and everything?
1-800-MATTRESS: Sure.
Me: Wow, that's sounds great. Let's do it.
1-800-MATTRESS: Very good, let me get some information from you.
Me: One last question...
1-800-MATTRESS: Sure.
Me: Why is Sleepys still in business?
1-800-MATTRESS: (Laughs) I have no idea sir.
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3 comments
( 2:43 PM )
Y2K + 6
Well I'll be damned if it isn't a new year. I barely had time to acknowledge 2005 and here we are staring down the barrel of 2006. Seems like yesterday we were all hoarding 12-packs of bottled water and size C batteries in anticipation of Y2K, fearing a world resembling Mad Max. I believe I went the other route and stocked up on Rolling Rock and Fritos, with the understand that the foot of snow in my backyard would provide enough water to last me through spring and if the batteries in my flashlight died, I'd just go to bed.
Ah...those were the days. I'm thinking about renting 2001: A Space Odyssey just to see how far in the wrong direction we've really come. No space travel, no polite speaking computers, no flying cars, no time travel, no aliens living and working amongst us, no teleporting, no telecommuting, no universal dress code, no paperless work environment, and no microwave toaster ovens (you can still cook an entire TV dinner in a microwave oven faster than you can toast a piece of bread).
Even worse, we also still have traffic, cancer, global warming, male pattern baldness, the designated hitter, hockey, reality shows, Florida, France, and George Bush.
One might argue that the "Internet" is what the millenium is all about. I'm certainly a participant in everything that is "online". Yet I can't help but wonder whether the eventual takeover of the world by machines and the enslavement of humans (see Terminator, The Matrix, iRobot, etc.) has already begun. Sure, it's not exactly as violent and dark and horrifying as the movies make it seems. But any "machine" that can force us to stare at it's screen for 12 or more hours a day definitely has some sort of hold over us.
Also, am I the only one who's sees the connection between the number of anti-virus, anti-spyware, anti-popup, and anti-everything software being marketed, with the number of viruses, spyware, popups and everything that afflicts our computers? It's like the tow truck guy that drives around with a bucket of nails in his truck, offering to fix your flat tire.
I don't have many lofty goals for 2006. It's not that I'm not motivated to fulfill some sort of personal quest. It's just that it's fairly difficult to fit in a normally unobtainable goal around the 23.5 hours of personal responsibility I already have. So if I was going to have any kind of goal for the year, it will most likely involve unplugging myself from some of the useless clutter of technology and spending more quality time breathing fresh air and enjoying the natural beauty of my surroundings. I know that sounds gay, but I'm actually going to try to do it. Wish me luck.
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3 comments
( 2:01 PM )
Liberty Deli
I hate New York City. It’s crowded, it’s noisy, it’s smelly. It’s too hot in the summer. It’s too cold in the winter. The subway stations smell, the train stations are hot, the people are rude and everything costs more than it should.
Except a sandwich at Liberty Deli on 49th and Madison.
I work on Park Avenue and rarely leave my building during the day. There’s no such thing as a nice quiet lunch in the park. If you’re not fighting off pigeons trying to pick up crumbs under your feet, your fighting off business suits trying to invade your space on the steps or a bench. So I usually bag my lunch and sit at my desk. But on occasion I need to buy my lunch. The options are limitless – restaurants and delis on every street, food kiosks on every corner, or the subsidized cafeteria in my building. But even at subsidized prices, a pre-made cafeteria sandwich can cost you $7. Then there’s those gourmet delis, like Au Bon Pain where you can get tomato, basil and brie on a croissant for $9. But I’m not really a croissant sandwich type of guy. Or how about a $12 salad at Fresnos? I don’t think so.
Recently, I was wandering around outside my building on my lunch break, looking to widen my search area for food. I wandered about 3 blocks south – really out of my territory, but I was feeling a bit reckless – when I came across a tacky, neon lit sign above a non-descript door that said “Liberty Deli”. There was nothing appetizing about the window display, but the bevy of construction workers pouring into the place gave it credence. If anybody knows where to find a good sandwich, it’s a heavy-set Italian construction worker.
When I walk in, the place is mobbed, and I almost turn around and leave. But the smell keeps me. It’s a good sized place, but smaller than it looks. Floor to ceiling mirrors make it look twice as big and twice as crowded. The deli counter runs all the way from the front to the back, with hot and cold displays of pre-made dishes and sandwiches available. Behind the counter must be a dozen guys and gals – in a fury of activity – taking orders and building sandwiches.
I’m only standing there, looking around to see if there’s a line to wait in, when someone yells, “Yo, buddy. Whatta need?” I look around, thinking he can’t possibly be asking me, as I just got here and there’s a least a dozen other hungry-looking guys in front of me. “Yeah, you,” he says. “You’re next.”
“Oh, okay.” I say. “Uh…Do you have liverwurst?”
“Of course I got liverwurst. I got everything.”
“Okay, gimme liverwurst, American cheese, tomato and lettuce on rye. With mustard.”
“Yellow or brown?”
“Brown.”
“Toasted?”
“Yeah, sure, sounds great.”
“You got it, buddy.”
Two minutes later he shoves a plastic container with my sandwich, a pickle and a bag of chips at me. “Here ya go,” he says, then looks over my shoulder. “Yo buddy. Whatta need?”
I grab a bottle of water and check out at the door for a grand total of $6.75. A bargain in any city. Maybe New York has a bright spot. If you ever find yourself in mid-town and hungry – make the extra effort to hit the Liberty Deli on 49th and Madison. Your stomach and wallet will both thank you.
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0 comments
( 9:49 AM )
Monday Night Hokeyness
Alright, what's the story with Monday Night Football? I actually wasn't sure I was watching Monday Night Football. I thought I was watching a gigantic promotion for ABC's new Fall lineup – with Geena Davis promoting her new show. I know most networks cross-promote their other shows, and baseball does it on occasion, but come on! At least baseball promotes shows that most of it's audience is going to watch. Are real football fans going to tune into "Commander-in-Chief" starring Geena Davis? No. But that's not the point of having Geena on the show yapping about her show in the middle of play. It's to entertain those non-football fans sitting on the couch, bored, next to their husbands.
And I guess it's offical – the NFL has been sold to the red states.
Press release from MNF and ABC:
"Each Monday, the lyrics of "I Like it I Love it" will be rewritten to fit the halftime highlights. NFL Films will provide highlights for the MNF segment that have not previously been seen. McGraw and his band are recording a new version of the song to be used for Monday Night Football."
Yep. Football fans now get to watch and listen (God help us) to Tim McGraw as he wiggles his ass on national television and gives us the weeks' football highlights as grown man (with cowboy hats) lip-synch the lyrics to his song, "I Like it I Love it".
Monday Night Football is no longer targeting males between the ages of 18-40. They're targeting young girls between the ages of 11-17, and lonely housewives of all ages.
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1 comments
( 1:30 PM )
Escape From New Orleans
Hey, check out this blog by this guy currently entrenched in a high rise office building in New Orleans. It's crazy. I guess he's some sort of ex-Army dude that works for a tech company, and he and a bunch of his co-workers are acting like a communications outpost -- reporting on all the shit going on (they have a couple of webcams going and photo galleries, but they're hard to access because of the huge amounts of traffic he's getting.) This link brings you to the current daily blog, but to get the full effect of what has happened, and how quickly it has happened, you should hit the "previous" day button until you get to the day before the storm. His first entry says, "Hmm. This could actually be a nasty storm."
http://www.mgno.com/
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0 comments
( 1:39 PM )
Blogging for the sake of blogging
Hmm.... Lessee... Whine about my train commute? Nah…done that. Bitch about the weather? No, did that in January. Nobody seemed to care then either. Share a funny office anecdote? Yeah, I wish. Complain about my fantasy baseball team’s performance? Oh…that’s right – I didn’t join a league this year.
Wow. Talk about a lack of material. It’s a good thing I put the site on hiatus for the summer. Otherwise, you would have been reading more of this dynamic drivel over the past few months.
The good news is, it appears that the batteries may be charging, as this has been the first blog entry since April. Not sure what prompted it, except that a few of the other 2 Walls writers have been making a fairly good effort to maintain their blogs. Perhaps some of the others are itching to get back in the groove.
One thing’s for sure – the hiatus hasn’t put a halt to the number of indie CDs arriving in my mailbox. I’ve got quite a stack of music that need to be listened to. My apologies to those who have sent materials over the past few months. Since going on hiatus, I have purposely avoided all things “2 Walls Webzine” related, which includes listening to new music, writing, blogging, checking email and harassing the staff. (With the sole exception of the review I wrote for The Thieves’ Tales From The White Line in June. I’d been expecting that CD for a while and it blew me away, so I had to write about it.)
Speaking of harassing the staff – turns out they don’t find me as annoying as I find myself sometimes. Shortly after shutting things down for the summer, Webb and Orcutt figured out a way to leave the big city and came up to the country for a BBQ at my place. In an elegantly, duct taped wrapped box they presented me with a gift from the 2 Walls staff. An iPod mini. Complete with several illegally shared mixed music CDs to load on to it. Thanks guys!
As far as the plan for 2 Walls Webzine – I can confidently say that I definitely don’t have a plan. And you can hold me to that if you like. Truth be told, I feel like the batteries are charged and I’m itching to write, but I still need to be inspired. Perhaps I’ll start wading through the mountain of CDs sitting on my desk, or start paying closer attention to politics and world news. It’s just that I’ve sort of enjoyed being unplugged for the past 3 months. I don’t think I’m ready to jump into the deep end of the pool yet. So I should probably ease into it. Perhaps this blog is the start of my inspiration.
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0 comments
( 3:16 PM )
The Joys of Commuting
Ah, the joys of mass transit commuting. Is there nothing more glorious than an hour and a half train ride home after a grueling day in the spice mines? See, most days I’m one of the lucky ones. My walk from my midtown office to Grand Central Station is short enough to allow me the luxury of getting aboard a highly-coveted express train earlier enough to grab a seat. I usually try to grab a window seat of three-seater, or a corner seat in one of the five-seaters (which allows me to stretch my legs a bit). Most of the time people are reluctant to sit in the middle seat (of the three-seaters) or directly across from someone (in the five-seaters). And even if it’s crowded and people need to squeeze in – at least I’m sitting for the whole ride.
The worst case scenario for me is the occasional overweight businessman who enjoys a challenge (or is in denial about his physical attributes) and attempts to squeeze 8 pounds of sausage into a 6 pound wrapper. Adding insult to injury, these are also the types of people who like to read the paper, work on their laptop and (in the morning) drink their coffee all at the same time.
Yesterday was one such day. As I sat in the corner of my five-seater, I watched in horror as the train filled up faster than normal. Someone mentioned that the train was two cars shorter than normal, which was a really bad thing. Before I had time to bail out (which I’ve done on occasion, preferring to get home later in exchange for a comfortable ride), I found myself crushed up against the window as my five-seat filled up to capacity and the aisles became jammed with standing commuters.
Soon the doors closed and we were on our way. To make matters worse, the weather outside was a mild 60 degrees, but the train was still cranking out the heat like it was mid-winter. Before long the train resembled a steamy nightclub filled with heavily jacketed, cranky commuters.
Metro North, along with the rest of New York’s MTA systems, has recently undergone a tremendous fair increase in recent months, prompting public outcries for better services. The best Metro North has been able to do, is to buy a handful of used train cars from the Virginia Railway Express (VRE). These cars have been in service for nearly a year now, but Metro North can’t even seem to find the money to paint over the VRE logos.
As our overcrowded and overheated train passed 125th Street on it’s way to Stamford, Connecticut, the lights started to flicker and the train started to slow down, eventually coming to a complete halt and complete electrical shutdown. Thankfully, that included the heat.
Now, we’d only been riding for about 20 minutes, but this crowd was starting to get ugly. I was praying a conductor wouldn’t be bold enough to walk through to collect tickets, as he probably wouldn’t have made it out alive.
As I stared out the window, I saw what looked like the train’s engineer walking along the side of the train. Not a good sign. After 15 minutes of silence and non-movement, the crowd really started to grumble. I think the only thing that was keeping them patient was the fact that with power off, the car started to cool down a bit.
Then, just as I thought I might lose it, the conductor came on over the PA system and said, “Sorry for the delay folks. It looks like we tore down one of the power cables and it has shorted out the power to this train. We’re on a diesel engine, so we’ll be able to continue on, but we won’t have any lights for the rest of the trip. Also, our apologies for the crowded conditions – we’re two cars short today.” After a short pause, during which people could only shake their heads and grumble, he added, “But the good news is, I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance!”
It did the trick, as the entire train burst into laughter. Kudos to him for turning a tense situation into something to laugh about.
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