Exiled on Main Street
May 2003
Music Fiction by Mike Webb

Episode 3 – The adultress
(Featuring: Dar Williams, The Pretenders, Liz Phair)

Lilly pulled herself away from the toilet. There was no way she was going to make it to her publishing company for work today. She rinsed her mouth out and lurched for the bed. The room wasn't spinning, but she felt like crap. This morning sickness stuff was almost as bad as a hangover.

She decided the best way to make it through the day would be to put on some comfort music. She stared at her collection, but couldn't decide what to play. She wanted to call Tim and ask him, but she couldn't because they were on hold for the moment. She didn't know why she lied to him about the baby. She hadn't slept with her ex-boyfriend like she told him she had, so the burgeoning kid was all Tim's. But she couldn't figure out why she lied.

Unable to make an easy decision about what to put on, she grabbed a promo that Tim gave to her. It was the new Dar Williams disc The Beauty Of The Rain. She laid there motionless and let the melancholy music wash over her. But her thoughts kept drifting back to Tim and the baby, and four songs in she still couldn't focus on the music. It wasn't bad because Dar seemed to have a natural gift at laying out pretty vocal melodies. But it reminded her of a sad, female version of Tom Petty and she didn't know if she'd ever be in the mood for that.

So she went for her 'mommy' monsters of x-chromosome rock, and grabbed the Pretenders II and Liz Phair's Exile In Guyville.

She put her player on random play and smiled approvingly as Chrissie Hynde sneered, "you guys are the pits of the world" when "Pack It Up" came on. Lilly didn't care that the Pretenders debut was their best album. She thought the 2nd album plenty of James Honeyman-Scott's perfect guitar playing, and it was a little gentler than the first, so it was the right one for this moment.

Lilly was certain that God paused the assembly line and spent an extra minute or two tweaking Chrissie Hynde's voice. It was a thing of pure beauty. You knew when you were supposed to be intimidated, and you knew she wanted you closer. As Chrissie cooed with her marvelous vibrato, "Was a time I wanted you for mine, nobody knew. You arrived like a day and passed like a cloud, I made a wish and said it out loud, loud in a crowd, everybody heard, 'twas the talk of the town," Lil rolled over and thought she wasn't quite there – not at the point of being able to say it out loud.

But listening to the tough chick, mach I version of Hynde made her wonder if she would lose her edge after she had her baby. She wasn't exactly a punk rocker or riot grrl, but Lilly thought she was cool for a thirty-something, and she didn't want to lose what little 'tude she had left.

And right then "The Adultress" came on. It was one of her favorites, but she freaked a bit when the bridge came: "Look at the fool made up to go out, she's desperate and lonely, but she's puttin' it about. Look at the spinster comin' down off the shelf, she's in love and she hates herself." A little close to the bone, so it was time for Liz Phair.

Ahhh – the dull, chugging guitars of "6' 1"" hit her just like a shot of single malt scotch, instantly relaxing her and making her sigh (damn she was going to miss drinking!). She loved this album as much as Tim loved the Stones' Exile On Main Street. She thought it kismet that their favorite albums were 'exiles' and allegedly connected by the same theme. But other than both being double albums, she never really understood how they were related or why Phair had said that her album was a response to the Stones. Guyville was a semi-novice songwriter getting comfortable in expressing herself, while the Stones were at the peak of their rock'n'roll binge to the palace of wisdom. The albums didn't match up lyrically, in tempo, or even instrumentally, so she always thought that was a put on. But whatever – she loved it anyway.

"Mesmerizing" was the closest thing to a Stones song: a cool, skipping around, but sparse guitar riff with a laid back vocal. And "Fuck And Run" was a fave just for the tragic-cool line "fuck and run when I was 17, fuck and run even when I was 12."

But when "Help Me Mary" came on Lilly began to reconsider her love for this album. She always thought the plain guitar sound was as rough-hewn as the Stones, but listening closely, she realized Tim was right when he said that the only down and dirty going on in that studio might've been the fooling around between Phair and her producer Brad Wood. Lil heard the opening riff of "Rocks Off" in her head and realized Phair's recording was as bland as vanilla.

Then she suddenly realized what Tim's big problem with Guyville was. The album had no soul at all. It was so plain and dry, that whatever spirit came from Phair's convictions was trumped by the lack of musical emotion. There were no sexy beats, no heart-pumping bass and no hot trumpets or horns. It just didn't have that bluesy-soul-gospel-funk-stink that the Stones could muster up so easily.

"Wow," she said out loud. That bastard Tim was making her doubt her love for this album. She never dreamed that could happen. But she paused and thought that maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. As she rubbed her belly and picked up the phone, she realized that change and growth are always good.

~ ~ ~

Next episode: A night out on the town with the White Stripes and little bro in tow leaves Tim and the crew a bit insane in the brain.

(Mike Webb is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine and has never worked at Tower Records.)