| Take
It With a Grammy of Salt
February
15, 2004
by Jeffrey Fishman
 Granted,
it has been a number of years since I’ve watched
the Grammy’s live (or on five minute delay for that
matter), and perhaps I’ve missed a few significant
stages in the evolution of this recording industry showcase,
but wow, what the hell happened to the Grammy’s
I once knew? I won’t go as far as to say that the
Grammy’s of old were great, but at least there was
some credibility. As have all award shows, the Grammy’s
have moved their focus towards production and entertainment
rather than rewarding outstanding recording artists by
giving out awards. And this year’s version certainly
leaves me with many more questions than answers.
Now
I’ll admit I did not see the entire program. I took
two half-hour breaks for The Simpsons and Arrested
Development. But, I don’t think I missed much
other than the Prince/Beyonce number. And truthfully,
after the Purple One’s famed assless yellow pant
appearance, I was more looking forward to seeing Homer
shoot Flanders out of a cannon.
While waiting for The Simpsons to begin, I decided to
let the visuals from the red carpet arrivals of recording
industry’s finest flash across my television. At
this point I was disconcerted to see a crawl across the
bottom of the screen announcing the winners of no less
than thirty of the awards – awards that were given
out on the air the last time I’d watched a Grammys
broadcast. I’m not speaking about the obscure awards
like Best Spoken Word Album by a Duo with a Deep Voice
and a Barnyard Animal, or even Best Polka/Bluegrass collaboration.
But awards like Best Rock Song and Album (and most other
Rock awards), all the Jazz awards, and basically everything
but the Pop, R&B and Rap awards were not even mentioned
during the 210-minute extravaganza.
Of
the 15 to 20 awards that interrupted the live performances
and were actually presented on the air – about half
were from R&B and Rap categories (no Jazz, no Blues,
one Rock, no Classical). So, now that the Grammy’s
has reduced itself to an extended version of the Soul
Train Awards, the Essence Awards, and the Video Music
Awards, here are the questions and unpleasant tastes that
last Sunday’s broadcast left lingering:
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If
Luther Vandross cannot beat out Beyonce for Best R&B
song, how can he then win for Best Song overall? Shouldn’t
you win your own category first? |
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If
Luther Vandross (a large Black man with a rich, soulful
voice) cannot appear to perform his own song, why
is Celine Dion (an emaciated, stiff, Canadian, White
chick, with as much soul as Queen Elizabeth) an adequate
replacement? |
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Why
do we need separate awards for Duo/Group and Collaboration?
If Nelly, Puff Comby, and Murphy Lee are a group (was
there an album that I missed) and Beyonce featuring
Jay-Z are a collaboration, what’s the difference?
Maybe its just effective use of the word "featuring". |
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What
in the world does Urban/Alternative mean? Perhaps
it suggests that if you live in the inner city and
you’re tired of 50 Cent, these are your alternatives? |
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Why
was Justin Timberlake paired up with Latin Jazz Legend
Arturo Sandoval to perform a song from Justified?
And Furthermore, why did I enjoy it? |
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Other
than doing nude scenes with Halle Berry in Monster’s
Ball, what did Billy Bob Thornton do to deserve to
be on stage with Earth, Wind and Fire, OutKast, Robert
Randolph, Samuel L. Jackson, and George Clinton and
the ParliaFunkadeliments? |
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Should
Sean Paul and Dave Matthews be arrested or publicly
flogged for desecration of the classics and defacing
historical landmarks for their on-air performances
of "Roxanne" and "I Saw Her Standing
There" respectively? |
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Does
the President of Recording Industry who felt compelled
to lecture the audience on the evils of music sharing,
again, realize that if corporate thieves like Virgin
Records wouldn’t charge $18.99 per disc (gee,
wonder what the mark-up on that is) we wouldn’t
search so actively for an alternative? |
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With
about a half dozen different versions of “lifetime
achievement” awards, why is it necessary to
correct the wrongs of the past by giving awards to
corpses or musicians with 40 year careers who have
never won anything before, but whose best music is
far, far behind them? |
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Should
50 Cent really be upset about getting shut out? Or
would winning a Grammy have ruined the street cred
he took all those bullets to establish? |
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Is
Pink (Female Rock Performance) a Rock artist a Rap
artist or a Pop artist? Is Dave Matthews (Male Rock
Performance) a Rock Artist or a Pop artist? And moreover,
if you win a Grammy aren’t you just a Pop Artist?! |
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(Jeffrey Fishman is a guest writer for 2 Walls Webzine.)
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