Spouting Off About the Rock and Roll Hall 2006 Picks
December 8, 2005
by Craig Curtice

2006 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Inductees Blondie Sex Pistols Miles Davis Lynyrd Skynyrd Black Sabbath

Of the new inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, (Miles Davis, Black Sabbath, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Blondie, and Sex Pistols) I completely accept Davis and Sabbath, and yeah, I guess Skynyrd, but I scoff at the inclusion of Blondie and the Pistols.

If you remember – part of the induction process is that someone came before you.

I say if The Stooges aren't in then the Sex Pistols shouldn't be either. Iggy Pop was writhing on glass and smearing himself with peanut butter when Sid was just a wee lad eating his meat so he could have his pudding. The Stooges' Funhouse by the way, is a kick-in-the-nuts rock masterpiece that holds up better than Bollocks.

The Pistols were a noxious prefabrication shaped by Malcolm McLaren that really only recorded one album thirty years ago (if they even did write all the songs themselves). Sid Vicious was a fuck-up that couldn't play an instrument, was hooked on smack, killed his girlfriend and later himself. Gee, how inspiring.

The only Pistols tour of the US was a complete fiasco lasting a couple of weeks – remember “Don't you feel like you've been cheated?” Yeah, like when Milli Vanilli got caught lip-synching or that mongrel Ashlee Simpson was crushed live on SNL. Verdict: the Sex Pistols were limp onstage.

Were the Sex Pistols influential? Sure, in an anti-social, strung-out junkie kind of way. Generations later, every skate rat in the US was born sneering and pissed-off. Plus how can you even compare the genius of Miles Davis with the rudimentary behavior of the Pistols?

Additionally it's a cryin' shame that Link Wray wasn't inducted before he passed away this month at age 76. When I see Wray's glaring omission I couldn't possibly consider the Sex Pistols.

And Blondie? Hey I like listening to “Heart of Glass” and “Call Me” as much as the next gay hairdresser on disco night at the roller rink, but there's too many other eligible bands and musicians to consider first.

Blondie seems like a puffball pick to perhaps encourage women to visit the Rock Hall in Cleveland. I mean something must be done to even out the number of lonely dudes, rock geeks, and comic book guys lurking the corridors and exhibits.

Like it or not, Blondie's induction clears the path for Shakira someday. Yeah I know it's preposterous, but just wait until the year 2027 when the inductees might include Loverboy, Ace of Base, and Jesus Jones.

Anyway, order is key. Blondie doesn't get in unless The Cars are in first – which they aren't.

Straddling new wave and rock, the Cars wrote better songs, made better records, sold more records, and c'mon, penned the greatest song used on film for a scene featuring a stunningly hot girl climbing out of a pool and taking her top off in slow motion.

Best Blondie ever did was monopolize K-Tell records for few years in the late-70's.

Maybe after Van Halen, George Benson, or hell, even Captain and Tennille are in, then, okay maybe Blondie. Maybe Spit Endz too. There's some gray area here. How about this for an album comparison – Van Halen I vs. Never Mind the Bollocks? That's right, VH wins baby. Dumm, dumm, dumm, dumm ...

(Craig Curtice is a staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine who's patiently waiting for the Rock Hall to give props to The Osmonds, Neil Diamond, Don Ho, Barry Manilow and Hall & Oates. How he gets jobs writing music reviews is beyond us.)