Pieces of Intelligence
(The Existential Poetry of Donald H. Rumsfeld)
Compiled and edited by Hart Seely

review by: Mike Webb
Date: 7/15/03

“The poetry of D. H. Rumsfeld (as he is known to the literary cognoscenti) demands to be read aloud. Like the epics of Homer, or modern African-American street poetry, Rumsfeld’s oeuvre originated as oral improvisation...During news briefings and media interviews, Rumsfeld quietly inserts haiku, sonnets, free verse, and flights of lyrical fancy into his responses, embedding the verses within the full transcripts of his sessions.”

Thus begins the hilarious Pieces of Intelligence as it sets the tone for the Rumsfeld riffs that follow. How anyone could hear or read Rumsfeld transcripts and see art in them is amazing. But it’s truly there. After reading these, I have to begrudgingly admit that Rummy is every bit the artiste. These poems (taken from Rummy’s intelligence briefings and interviews) show his uncanny ability to be the Zen master of war, government and life.

Though it’s Rummy who delivers the goods, Seely deserves much, if not most, of the credit. Like the A&R man who saw the diamond buried deep inside of Nirvana’s Bleach, Seely picked up on these hidden verses and shared Rumsfeld’s deep thoughts with us.

But don’t believe me. Only the Don could make up poetry this good:

From “The Unknown” (or as Seely calls it “his most disturbing work”)

As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don’t know we don’t know.

From “Polls”:

Opinion polls go up and down,
They spin like weather vanes.
They’re interesting, I suppose.
I don’t happen to look.

From “Observation Of The System”:

It’s hard enough just to keep track
Of the things that are really happening,
Without having to worry about
All the things that aren’t really happening.

From “End Zen”:

How does it end?
It ends,
That’s all.

Basically, you either find this stuff funny, or you’re thinking I’m pretty fucking weird to be so amused by this.

And maybe it’s not really that humorous.
But knowing how Rummy actually speaks,
And then reading it in verse form –
The guy is a prophet.
And I hate ole lying ass Rummy.
But not anymore.
He’s the one, I adore.

(Note: if you go to Google and type in “weapons of mass destruction” and then hit the “I’m feeling lucky” button, read carefully and you’ll find a link to this book.)