David Wells is a big dumb idiot
March 2003
by Michael Walls

David Wells is a big dumb idiot. Okay? There – I said it. Somebody had to say it. I know this is exactly what every Yankee fan has been thinking since Wells' "tell all" book hit the media, causing a massive flurry of bad press. Even if you haven't read the book (which I haven't, and won't) you can sense that this is just the move of a big dumb idiot.

I'm a Yankee fan. And I use to be a David Wells fan. I mean, what wasn't there to like about David Wells. He's a self-proclaimed Yankee fan, especially of Babe Ruth. He represents the exact opposite of the stereotypical ball player, thus giving ordinary joes the warm fuzzy feeling that if Wells can make it, maybe anyone can. He's a big, burly, teddy bear that likes beer, bikes and heavy metal music. He's always got a big, shit-eating grin on his face, and never takes himself seriously.

He also always speaks his mind. Which seemed like an endearing quality, until he started speaking his mind about his friends and his baseball family. Hey – honesty and forthrightness is something you can admire about someone. But there are also times and things that need to be kept quiet and private. Things like personal conversations between friends. Personal thoughts and feelings about people you're currently working with or working for. History making events that people hold dear memories of, that shouldn't be tarnished by childish humor or even the truth.

Like Wells' perfect game. One of the highlights of my personal Yankees memories. I saw the game live. It was the most amazing moment I'd ever seen. I was jumping around my living room, by myself, as the entire stadium and Yankee team was doing the same. I will never forget that game.

Now, I wish I could. Wells has tarnished that memory for me, by claiming in his book, he was "half-drunk" from a previous night of partying. When questioned about it, he back-pedaled, saying he might have exaggerated and that he was joking about it. Regardless of the truth – whether he was drunk or not – to make light of such a huge, historic sporting event, is so disrespectful of the event, of the Yankees, of the game of baseball – I can't do anything but write off David Wells as a big dumb idiot.

In his book, Wells also reveals a supposed conversation between himself and David Cone. He claims Cone called him (while Wells was playing for Toronto) during Roger Clemens' debut as a Yankee. Clemens got rocked, and the crowd was chanting, "Boomer, Boomer." Wells claims that Cone called him from the dugout and held his cell phone up so Wells could hear the chants.

Again, regardless of the truth – this is something I don't want to know. Something that breaks the unspoken rule about private moments between friends. Something that says a lot about David Wells, not David Cone. It says, "I'm a big dumb idiot."

Wells has been whining recently about all the bad press. Claiming the media is making a bigger deal out of his book then they should be. He claims the book discusses serious moments in his life, about his life, that the media is ignoring. Instead, the press is focusing on the few negative highlights in the book.

What is he? A big dumb idiot? Nobody cares about the touching moments in people's lives. They only care about the dirt. About the controversy. The embarrassing issues. And the press eats that stuff up.

So why did he write the book? (By the way, "write" is a very subjective word. Wells "spoke" the book, while a real writer put it down on paper. And I'm assuming the real writer fixed all of the grammatical errors and poor narrative story-telling.)

I don't believe he wrote it for the money – $500K is pocket change for a guy like Wells.

To tell the truth? About what? Childish dugout antics and rampant drug-use? What does the "truth" in that accomplish? I already suspected that baseball players are over-grown children using drugs. I prefer to ignore it, so I can enjoy the game.

Wells claims he wrote the book because, "People want to know about my life, people are interested in my life."

No, David. People are interested in your life as a "Yankee". As a "Baseball Player". The moment you disrespected the Yankees, disrespected baseball – people lost interest in you. I certainly did.

This book has and will continue to bring nothing but bad press on Wells, on the Yankees, and on baseball. How could David Wells not know this would be the outcome?

Because he's a BIG-DUMB-IDIOT.

General Manager Cashman, could you do the Yankees and their fans a favor? Please take out the trash.


(Michael Walls is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)

Response from: Brandon Copple
March 2003

I’m not writing this in response to Mike Walls’s column on David Wells; I want to address the Wells hubbub in general.

I find it a little troubling that the Yankees would fine Wells $100K for claiming he was half-drunk when he pitched a perfect game in 1999. Fining a guy for telling a story about something that really happened troubles me. I know the Yankees aren’t a government agency, so this isn’t a First Amendment issue. It’s more subtle than that. Please bear with me as I try to explain.

I don’t have a problem when a player gets fined for calling his manager a dumbass or ragging on his teammates. I didn’t have a problem with MLB’s spanking of John Rocker. But there’s a difference between what Rocker said and what Wells wrote. Rocker expressed views that baseball officials found repugnant. It’s their organization and their right to take action when some moron insults a portion of the population (particularly one to whom MLB hopes to sell lots of merchandise).

Wells, on the other hand, simply stated the facts. The fact that he was half in the bag during his perfect game might subject him to discipline in and of itself, but telling the world about it should not. He didn’t attack his teammates, didn’t insult any ethnic groups, didn’t slander anybody, as far as I know.

Does that make sense? I know it’s a blurry distinction but to me it’s an important one. I don’t like it when people are punished for telling the truth.

And by the way, who are the Yankees to get indignant about Wells’s revelations? So he pitched pissed. That should cut-and-paste seamlessly into Yankee history. Everybody knows Babe Ruth was a drunkard, a glutton and a womanizer. Mickey Mantle probably never played a game less than half drunk. The great 70s teams of Jackson, Munson and Nettles were full of coke-sniffing egomaniacs. Goose Gossage was a raging stoner who couldn’t get George Brett out (okay, he probably didn't get high, but Brett did own his ass).

Lighten up, Yankees. You win the World Series every other fucking year, so quit your bitching. And maybe someday we’ll get to read about how Derek Jeter played the ‘98 Series in Mariah Carey’s underwear.

(Brandon Copple is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)