I'm Not Gonna Take It Anymore
October 15, 2004
by Alexander Washburn

Yes, people – Twisted Sister had it right. What, you ask, am I not taking? The answer is all of it. I’m not taking the whole nine yards, the kitchen sink, the kit or the caboodle. I’m turning my back on everything this world is selling me.

This newfound freedom has led me to stop caring about things I use to care about. For instance, I’ve always held a place in my heart for treating animals and all creatures on this Earth will equal respect. It’s not like I’ve reached PETA status; I still wear leather and like Chris Rock said: “I’d eat a pigs ass if you season it right.” But, since I was a child I haven’t stepped foot into a zoo because I don’t believe the jaguars, leopards and lemurs should call the Bronx home.

Now, I could care less about animals because the world is getting a little out-of-hand in our zeal to protect them. Exhibit A is California , who recently banned foie gras, duck liver that’s as pricey as it is delicious. (I happen to remember this excellent foie gras spread sold at the old Alva spot on East 22 nd.) Some animal rights activists have convinced Governor Arnold that the process of force-feeding the ducks in order to plump up them livers is cruel. As a result, they’ll be no foie gras at all those trendy California cocktail parties. A few years ago, this prospect would seem as likely as LA banning silicone, saline and traffic. However, in today’s warped world where everything is a problem, foie gras joins smoking and lap dances, as things you just can’t do in LA anymore.

I’m also over politics and the less than tasty dishes both parties are serving this year. The first debate was nice to watch if you were on the fence or a Kerry fan, horrible if you’re a conservative, Bush person. However, after it was all said and done, I still feel we’re left with two candidates who really have no idea where and how to lead this country.

The candidates don’t want you to know this so they talk about things that really don’t matter. I don’t care what some trigger-happy solider has to say about John Kerry and his Vietnam service. Nor do care where Bush was in the 60’s and if he or if he didn’t take a physical. I don’t care about Kerry’s voting record back when Janet Jackson was Willis’ girlfriend on Diff’rent Strokes. I don’t care how much money Halliburton is making off the war.

I’m so over politics and to prove it, in this “most important election of our lives” I’m not voting this year. Try saying that at a foie gras-free cocktail party.

I’m even over baseball. I find very little pleasure in watching the Red Sox once again play the Yankees, and I find very little pleasure in watching the Yankees once again in playoffs. This is not a bitter Met fan talking either. If I see Don Zimmer being thrown headfirst into the ground by Pedro Martinez one more time, I might very well throw myself headfirst off my balcony. I’m over hearing “whose your Daddy” chants from a bunch of drunken New Yorkers, a majority of them probably not very good Daddy’s to their own kids, as opposed to paying Jason Giambi’s salary. And man, am I over Tim McCarver and Joe Buck, and that annoying animated baseball that comes onto tell me what a freaking change-up is, and doesn’t even explain it right.

You can also add magazines to the list of things I’m over as well. I use to look forward to curling up on the couch with a new Esquire, GQ or Weekly Standard. Now, I have Lindsay Lohan on the cover of GQ and I don’t even know who she is. Whoever she is, she doesn’t deserve to be on the cover of GQ, because all I can see is that she’s hot and has great tits. That’s makes her a candidate for Maxim but not for GQ.

I’m also over musicians and actors who can’t seem to shut up about politics. REM, Bruce, Moby, the Dixie Chicks and others have been out promoting Concert for a Change tours. I wish Moby would just leave us all alone. As for Bruce, how can you say anything bad about the Boss? Read on:

Two years ago, when a draft "Springsteen for President" movement was bouncing around, The Boss issued this declaration: “If nominated I will not accept. If elected, I will not serve.” The man, who wanted nothing to do with being president, now can’t seem to shut up about the president. Same goes for John Cusack, who had a great online community of activists who launched a website called "Cusack for President." All this little group did was sign up supporters nationwide, while performing community service for a wide array of issues, including raising cash for 9/11 victims. Cusack, who also can’t shut up about the president, asked for the whole thing to be shut down. For that, you should lose your right to bitch.

I’ll start caring again when the powers that be start giving us legitimate reasons to care. Until then, I’m going through life with blinders and my I-Pod on.

(Alexander Washburn is a volunteer staff writer for 2Walls Webzine, who is also over witty tag lines at the end of articles.)