Why the NBA sucks
February 2003
by Chelan David

I recently plunked down $15 to watch a bunch of unmotivated millionaires in baggy shorts play streetball. Technically, it was a midseason game between the Boston Celtics and Seattle Supersonics, but to me it was a completely worthless exhibition. Give me the college game any day.

Everything about the NBA regular-season is half-ass. Half-empty arena, half-hearted effort, half-dressed cheerleaders, half-cold beers. The only thing that wasn't half-ass were the teams field goal percentage's – which were worse than 40%-ass. The Sonics shot 36% from the field including a catastrophic 0-12 from behind the three point line. By comparison, the Celtics were on fire, shooting 39% and 7-27 from downtown.

You'd think NBA players, the best basketball players in the world, could make half their shots. Sure they're playing against world-class defenders too, but let's be honest – hardly anybody plays defense until the playoffs. The dismal field goal percentage's are the natural, inevitable product of the pseudo-offenses that NBA teams run. In the game I saw, each set play seemed to consist of one guy dribbling around the perimeter while the other four players took up positions behind the arc waiting for an open look.

No ball movement. No back-cuts. No pick and rolls. No give and go's – actually, not much giving at all. When the lethal combination of Stockton to Malone finally retires, the NBA will have to start showing tapes of a pick and roll along with the mandatory warnings about the hazards of groupies, posses and sketchy business advisors at rookie orientation.

On paper, the Celtics vs. Sonics game should have been exciting. Paul Pierce and Gary Payton are premiere players. And if you were just watching the scoreboard, you would've though it was a doozy – the Sonics came back from a 23 point deficit to pull within one with a couple of minutes left. However, this comeback lacked any energy or emotion, the Sonics players acting like they'd rather be at home with their Playstation the whole time. The Seattle mascot received the biggest applause when he threw T-shirts into the crowd midway through the Sonics' comeback.

This is nothing new for anybody who's attended an NBA game in the last seven years. The day in 1995 that the Boston Garden morphed into the Fleet Center is the day the NBA sold its soul. Corporate monikers suck the atmosphere out of every arena they christen. In college basketball, gyms like Allen Fieldhouse, Cameron Indoor Stadium, Rupp Arena and Pauley Pavilion are full of mystique, striking fear into opponents with their rowdy student sections and their spirits of championships past lurking in the rafters. The only spirits lurking at NBA arenas are $8 beers.

Vin Baker is a perfect example of how screwed up the NBA is. After being run out of Seattle for laziness and underachievement, Baker was supposed to find his game on his native East Coast. The only thing Baker has found so far is Dunkin' Donuts, for whom he is a pitchman in Boston. Baker actually had one of his better games this season against the Sonics scoring nine points and stumbling upon three rebounds. But predictably, as soon as the Sonics pulled to within 10 points, Baker was instantly yanked from the game. Shouldn't a guy making $150,914.63 per game inspire a little more confidence?

If Baker's ass was back at the University of Hartford where he played college ball, and his weight ballooned while his game deflated, the coach probably would have motivated him by making him run sprints until he puked at practice and sitting him down by the walk-ons during the games. How can anyone motivate Baker in the NBA? He's going to get $150,000+ per game whether he loafs or hustles.

Coaching in the NBA is a tough gig. It's hard to be a teacher when the players earn 10 times as much money as the coach. Some of the most publicized events – Latrell Sprewell choking P.J. Carlisimo, the constant Allen Iverson and Larry Brown feud, and Chris Webber running Don Nelson out of Golden State – illustrate the lack of respect for authority that is so prevalent in the NBA. If Coach K's Duke players were making $5 million a year, they probably wouldn't buy into his team first approach either.

This is only going to get worse as high school players barely old enough to drive continue to pour into the league. Some argue that the collegiate game has also suffered as the best prep players have increasingly chosen to either skip college altogether or to use the NCAA as a one-, maybe two-year internship before bolting for the spoils of the NBA. Actually, this makes college hoops even more entertaining. There will never be a dynasty again. No more Fed-Exing the trophy to UCLA care of John Wooden. The last team to repeat was Duke in 1991-92 By contrast, only seven different teams have won the NBA championship since 1984.

Every single year March Madness is an epic, glorious two-week stretch where dozens of teams have a legitimate chance to make it to the Final Four. Even if a team doesn't win a championship it can still leave a legacy. Providence, led by a boyish Rick Pitino and sharpshooters Billy "The Kid" Donovan and Delray Brooks made the 1987 Final Four a memorable one. Bo Kimble, of Loyola Marymount, shooting free-throws left-handed in memory of his fallen teammate, Hank Gathers, conjures up memories of the 1990 tournament. Princeton upset UCLA, the defending national champions in 1996 on a last-minute back door cut. Who remembers a single NBA playoff game in any of these years? As March Madness is a shot of adrenaline, the NBA Finals is a dose of valium, as sedative that seems to stay in the system from Memorial Day to Labor Day.

I will continue to watch the NBA on occasion. I do like their player introductions better. When the lights dim and the video highlights flash on the scoreboard I can't help but get goose bumps. Plus, I like the dancing teams in the NBA better than the college cheerleaders. The NBA has never been overly concerned with political correctness and this is one instance where it works in its favor. These are city babes with an attitude and an affinity for revealing outfits.

The NBA also happens to have the some of the best athletes in the world gracing its rosters. But if all they're going to do is clang up bricks from 25 feet, what's the point?


(Chelan David is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)

Response from: Duncan Pickard, Oak Bluffs, MA
March 2005

I could not agree more. Everything you said was right on. One more thing to add as evidence of why the NBA is trying to discourage defense. The league JUST allowed a zone defense, and included the same stupid 3 second rule as there is on the offensive end for guys in the paint. The league did this so that a big guy can't clog up the lane (which is really the point of a zone defense) and keep the slick offense from doing some dipsy-doo dunk-aroo (did I really just quote Dick Vitale?). Plus, they put that ring on the floor beneath the hoop (what genius came up with that, something that can't be found in international, college, or high school ball) where you can't take a charge, again to encourage dunks. How about letting the game be played the way it should be, not tayloring the rules to make it flashier.

Another thing. The league tries to "speed up" the game by reducing the shot clock to 24 seconds (a full 11 seconds less than in college) and reducing the backcourt time to 8 seconds (2 less than college). This does not speed up the game – it just leaves coaches NO time to set up an offense if they so choose; now there is no choice but for some guard to launch a 3 and hurt the shooting percentage, because there is no TIME for more than one pick and roll. To make the game more enjoyable, let the NBA players run some semblance of an offense, and give them time to do it.

And what ever happened to common respect for your coach? To all you NBA players: I don't care if you get paid 100 times more than your coach, he is there to teach you the game. He is smarter than you, and if you want to win, listen to him. Show a little respect.

I have not consciously watched an NBA since 1995, and I will not unless things change. It is not basketball that they play, it is garbage.