A Parents Guide to the Super Bowl Party
February 1, 2003
by Glenn Pfeifer

The Super Bowls of my youth are gone. And not just because my favorite team, the Pittsburgh Steelers, stopped dominating the NFL once I started dating and attending Super Bowl parties that served alcohol. I mean the excitement behind the one thing that men and women could agree on when it came to football – The Super Bowl Party.

The Super Bowl party has fallen so far below my radar now that tuck-in times and coloring book breaks are intertwined with the action on the field.

Some things that come with parenthood require abrupt change, such as your naked habits – your Friday night naked margarita pool games, your naked magazines in random drawers, etc. Other changes are slower and more subtle. The way you watch sports is definitely up there on that list. Major sports events, and the tremendous hype with which we surround them, seem so insignificant when your 3-year old asks if the baseball game is over so she can watch Shrek and donkey save the princess Fiona.

Things like that almost make you yearn for the old days.

In years past, Super Bowl party menus would be worked out by Wednesday and many follow-up calls would be made to the party host (almost always my dear friend Ed K) to make sure he didn’t need ice, or mixers, or another dip. Cases of beer would gloriously grace the entrance of said party, as willing men and designated driver girlfriends entered the scene. Idle chit-chat and catching up was quickly replaced with game plan discussion, replay analysis, player performance judgments and counting the number of pools you had entered so you could memorize your numbers.

By the coin toss, everyone was well enough buzzed to begin betting. Or I usually was anyway. I was almost always the loudmouth who started tossing dollars around yelling “COIN TOSS, I WANT HEADS! FIRST FIRST DOWN, I LIKE BUFFALO! MVP…WHO WANTS ACTION ON MONTANA OR RICE…I’LL TAKE EITHER!!”

These exclamations normally resulted in my pocket being empty by halftime, until my girlfriend would see me sulking while bets were being made without me and she’d slip me another $20, God bless her.

I have too many Super Bowl party memories to bore you with here. This is meant for the parents in the crowd who still want to revisit those party days. Take my advice and get Grandma on the horn. Arrange a smooth drop-off or pickup well before game time. Begin marinating your chicken wings in Frank’s Red Hot, melted butter and chopped garlic. Make any dips you plan to serve by 2pm, so they have a couple of hours to chill and collect themselves. Have your first beer as soon as your prep work is done, so it doesn’t distract you and you forget to make one of your courses.

Then, and only then, turn on the TV and see what Super Bowl highlights are on ESPN. Pay careful close attention to any SB replayed where the Cowboys lose – those always give me the most satisfaction. After a couple of hours, your guests should arrive, but keep the crowd to a minimum – we’re all getting too old for late night crowds who won’t leave. The goddamn game already ends at 11:00 freaking pm!

Most of all, just enjoy yourself. It’s your day, football fan. And if Grandma has her own Super Bowl plans, get the second TV out quick because I think there’s a Dora The Explorer marathon coming your way over on Nick Jr. Hope you enjoyed the game!

(Glenn Pfeifer is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)