Andrew Jackson's Hair
May 2003
by Mike Spinney

There can be no doubt about the fact that Andrew Jackson had the best hairdo in the history of the U.S. presidency.

Washington was a member of the Colonial Hair Club for men, Lincoln kept his rats nest tucked under a stovepipe, and every other chief executive you can name wore their locks conservatively. But Jackson? Brother, that dude flaunted his mane in a big way.

We can thank the U.S. Treasury's Bureau of Engraving and Printing for bringing Jackson's tresses back into my consciousness. It's been five years since the bigger, better Jackson debuted on a twenty, but the government's PR efforts around the colorful new double sawbuck have once again put the spotlight on Old Hickory and his wild coif.

Federal press releases tout the wash of blue and peach coloration and other design changes meant to foil counterfeiters. Luminaries such as Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan, Treasury Secretary John Snow and U.S. Treasurer Rosario Marin talked about the symbolism and soundness of the U.S. dollar. But they all missed the real story: Jackson had it going on, and his bold statement in hair says as much about American values as the bald eagle, baseball, and apple pie.

Certainly, Andy Jackson's history is somewhat controversial. He made his bones fighting Indians and driving unwanted tribes out of Florida to make things safe for the white man – an effort that was questionable in its day, never mind in the spotlight of history. At the Battle of New Orleans during the War of 1812 he scored his most celebrated victory after the war had already ended.

And once elected to our nation's highest office, he was known as a thrower of rowdy shindigs, opening the White House up to both commoners and livestock who kept Pennsylvania Avenue hopping for days at a stretch.

How did he get away with it? Colonel Jackson’s secret was the hair. There can be no other answer. People took one look at his 'do and all was forgiven. Or, at least, people knew enough to keep mum if they did have a beef. No need to piss off Old Hickory. Just take a look at him. Say the wrong thing to a guy with hair like that and he just might march our troops into Canada, or Mexico. Or he could get good and liquored up and start sacking our own cities.

Anything's possible for a guy with hair like that.

Ah, but I'll bet Mrs. Jackson dug it. When the pressures of the presidency and the weight of the world grew too heavy for Mr. Jackson to bear, he probably slipped back into the Lincoln Bedroom and let Mrs. Hickory run her fingers through. He would probably let out a sigh, close his eyes, and drift off to sleep while the little lady softly massaged his tense scalp. Tough as hickory? Hardly. In his woman's arms, Jackson was as soft as birchwood. But that was their secret.

Refreshed and revived, I can see Jackson storming back into action, shaking his head like a young lion and demanding action, cabinet quivering at the sight of his hair flashing like lightning in the hands of Zeus.

There hasn't been anyone that has even come close to the sort of dramatic hair fashion that Jackson put on display. But there's hope, and his name is Al Sharpton.

(Mike Spinney is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)