Celebrity Meltdown
“Look at me! I’m drunk, naked, and on fire!”
January 2003
by Jason Thornberry

It saddens and disgusts but you still can’t keep from paying attention. Whether the acts these people commit will inevitably become linked with their persona is an argument to be solved in time.

In recent news we’ve had the following stories: Queen Latifah arrested on a DUI charge, Pee Wee Herman to stand trial for child pornography, Winona’s shoplifting spree, and Eminem being sued by a former classmate over song lyrics. The list just goes on and on. Actor Robert Blake behind bars for his wife’s murder, the "Jackass" film’s copycats, Rick James’ sexual misconduct, and Anna Nicole Smith is just being Anna Nicole Smith.

The repeated incidence of superstars going haywire has reached such a point, that there’s even a show about it called “Celebrity Justice”. Did it all begin with the OJ Simpson trial becoming, in essence, a cop show on par with CSI? When Michael Jackson dangled his youngest son from a four-story hotel balcony in Berlin was that the final straw? I definitely hope so. If plumber Fred Jones, of Garden Grove, Calif. did something similar it’s likely he would eventually be arrested for child endangerment.

Fans of Jackson’s, who lined the street below, were horrified at his display of paternal negligence. They didn’t cheer gleefully as he might have expected. The King of Pop” has been photographed showing noticeable side affects from plastic surgeries, and chose to refer to himself as “a visionary” while testifying in a German courtroom. If this were Fred Jones, the only legal action he’d be apt to witness would be on “Judge Mathis” from his cubicle in a mental institution.

Talk radio is all over the topic. "I think he’s just reacting to his fame, man. How would you feel?" one caller asked the host, who seemed as bewildered as I.

Isn’t Jackson an adult – or at least a fully-grown something?

How does that child feel? Perhaps he’s too young to even comprehend why his dada put a nappy over his face and held him precariously over a ledge.

How does the little boy’s mother feel? Let’s put aside the fact that she was dumb enough to carry this fool’s offspring to term in the first place (three times).

I can tell you if it were my kid, and uncle Jacko pulled this stunt babysitting, a team of doctors would be surgically removing my foot from his rectal cavity and reattaching the man’s head. I’m horrified to see anybody’s son treated with such disregard though, and it’s pathetic that it’s even have reached such a point. Michael Jackson, and celebs in general, typically paint themselves as victims of their own fame when things don’t swing their way. It’s time to put the acceptance of that notion to bed.

The quandary is thus: We, the public are fascinated by stars who get weird, so they just get weirder for more headlines and air-time. There now seems to be a one-upmanship exhibit to see who can commit the lewdest, grossest, or most reprehensible acts for more attention.

It’s a trend that will die (hopefully) soon. Whenever someone does something “outrageous” to coax me into buying their product, I make a mental note to ignore them even harder in the future.

(Jason Thornberry is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)