( 9:37 PM )
I Wanna Defy the Logic of our Tax Laws
Step right up! Everybody get in line, for they’re handing out money down at the post office. That’s right, everybody with a valid driver’s license or a library card is entitled to $500, cash money! The only catch is, you gotta go out and spend it! No putting it in the bank, or burying it in a coffee can out in your backyard. And for Christ’s sake, no charitable contributions! Just get on down to the strip mall or the downtown business district and pay retail for some good ol’ fashioned consumer merchandise.
Can you feel it? Can you feel the tide of American fortitude slowly turning like an anaconda sizing up its prey in the swampy rainforest of the Amazon? An ocean of good fortune is building just below the surface of every point of sale. From the rubble of a million transaction receipts and cardboard packaging and Styrofoam peanuts will rise our bloodied American economy, like Rocky climbing to his feet after a 15 round whipping at the hands of Apollo Creed. Bloodied, but victorious!
We must stand tall and proud in all our ostentatious wealth in these times of terror. Flaunt our excesses in the faces of the evil-doers. Broadcast pictures of Americans standing in line at the bank to cash their refund checks, with big toothy grins as the tellers slap piles of green currency down on the counter. See that, bin Laden? We can dismantle your network of suicidal thugs, overthrow Saddam’s murderous Iraqi regime, and still get paid. This is big business, saving the world from fundamentalist theocratic scum. The only thing your constituents are checking their mailboxes for is anthrax.
And while we’re at it, make sure all of our “friends” in Europe take note of our economic turnabout. When will they learn that burdensome progressive tax brackets just aren’t sexy? For all their so-called panache, they’re just a bunch of bitter, foppish, parliamentarian cowards who wouldn’t know a fiscal kick in the ass if it kicked them in the ass.
Money is what we want, what we need, and apparently, what we got. We got it to the tune of $350 billion. Thank you, Mr. President. Thank you for the money. As you say, it’s really our money anyway. And I’m going to take my money and get me some surround sound speakers for my TV and stereo.
Wait a minute. Didn’t you give me $300 last year? I remember. You sent me a check. Maybe it was the year before, but you definitely gave me $300. That’s when I bought the stereo. Wasn’t that supposed to stimulate the economy? Did it work? It must have really worked out great if you’re giving away even more money now.
( 5:39 PM )
East vs. West Part II: The Workplace
Alright, I’ve lost some steam on this issue since my last post. Here’s all I want to say, and this comes entirely from my wife’s experiences. When you’re on the East Coast, and you depend on people on the West Coast to help you do your job, lifestyle shouldn’t figure into the equation. If someone in the East needs something fast, then you gotta pick up the pace. Of course, if that person is just an asshole who is always in a hectic frenzy (and there are LOTS of these fuckers running around here), then I encourage you to take your sweet-ass time and pretend like you’re have trouble understanding English.
But if they really do need something done in a hurry, particularly if their ass is on the line in terms of client contact, then step up to the plate and be a professional. I’ve heard a lot of stories where my wife is left high and dry by someone out West who was supposed to do something for her but couldn’t because they “don’t hang around past 5:30” or “I’m leaving early to go snowboarding in the Sierras with Tony Hawk and the cast of Melrose Place.”
Having said all that, I would love to live on the West coast, at least for a few years. Having visited several different areas of California, I sometimes think the rest of us must be stupid for living anywhere else.
That Melrose Place reference was way too dated, but I couldn’t think of anything else.
On a different note, how sick is it that I am so jazzed up over the NBA draft lottery tonight? I could care less about the actual playoff game that follows it. I just want to know who’s gonna get LeBron.
( 11:31 AM )
Biggie vs. Tupac Murder Solved: It was all about manners.
It’s on. East Coast vs. West Coast, 2 Walls style. I gotta get in on this action.
I am a native of the East Coast, having spent large chunks of my life in New York (mostly upstate with a dash of Long Island thrown in), West Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, and the DC area, where I currently live. My wife is from New Jersey (the shore), born and raised, and never lived anywhere else except for three years in Carolina and 3 years in DC.
My parents were born and raised in South Georgia, where they currently reside, so I know all about the manners thing. I truly believe in being cordial to people and think that it will get you a lot further than being a complete dick.
However, in New York City, manners take on a bizarro meaning. In New York, if you want to get anything done, you need to push your way to the front and shout at somebody. There are just too many people in too small a space for it to work any other way. Politeness gets in the way.
Part of the charm of NYC is how nasty people are to each other. But there is no offense taken. It’s acceptable to flip people off and push them in the subway and yell at the guy behind the deli counter. It’s expected—it’s part of the social contract there. It’s also the cost of living in a crazy, hectic metropolis where shit’s gotta get done so people can get on with their lives.
Having said all this, I have never lived in New York and probably never will. I don’t have much interest in having to hustle that much to make it through my day. But I have developed an understanding and appreciation for it through my numerous visits there and conversations with friends who have lived there.
I also think that what Mr. Webb said about the importance of cars and driving has a lot to do with it. If you drive in a big East Coast city, you have to drive like a maniac to get where you’re going. This is definitely true in DC. I can get ridiculously worked up in my car, but I can make great time getting across town or out to the Maryland suburbs. I will admit that in the case of myself, this is often completely unnecessary and does little to improve the quality of my life.
But I think that politeness should not be a rule applicable to all situations. Here is a perfect example of why southern-style manners would never work in NY. When my wife and I first moved to Chapel Hill, North Carolina, we went to the local Food Lion for our first grocery shopping experience. We had a basket half-filled with goods, and we strolled up to the only line open at 8:00 on a weeknight. There was one person in line in front of us. The checkout clerk was taking her sweet-ass time checking this person out, chatting about the weather and whatever else. They may as well have been long lost sisters.
Of course, it would have been impolite for the clerk to say, “Well, I’d love to stand here and shoot the shit all night, but as you can clearly see there are other paying customers waiting in line behind you who have no interest in our conversation nor excitement over the prospect of standing here in line for an inordinate amount of time because you have no respect or consideration for them. Move along.” Who is being impolite in this scenario? As my Jersey Girl rolled her eyes and fumed, I warned her that this would be our life for the duration of her graduate studies at UNC.
This is getting long. I’ll address workplace issues in my next entry…
( 4:04 PM )
Mighty Mighty Bosstones
More Noise and Other Disturbances (1992)
Thirty taut minutes of Boston ska/punk. A friend of mine in Boston sent this to me years ago, and I never get tired of listening to it. This is album is great from start to finish. If you liked the idea of the Bosstones but never really enjoyed their major label releases, you need this album. The songs move quickly, the horn sound is fat, and you need to play it loud. I’ve never heard Devils Night Out, the album that proceeded this one, also released on the world-reknowned Taang! label. I’ve heard good things about it, but I think most people consider More Noise the better record.
"Cowboy Coffee" is one of my alltime favorite songs from anywhere. Great lyrics delivered at breakneck speed. I don't know how Dicky Barrett spits them out fast enough to keep up with the music and still manages to make them decipherable.
There's a good bit of music here for such a short album. The songs just move so quickly, it doesn't take time to mow through all eleven tracks. It's sort of like a live Ramones album. They play 30 songs and the album comes in at under half an hour.
Some of my favorite lines from "Cowboy Coffee":
it's not that it's boggin' or cloggin' my head
it's not that I'm swamped, buried under near dead
it's just the daily grind to bring the daily bread
i wasn't born rich, I'm good lookin' instead
Bands with horns always seem to get it done. This album should be required listening for anyone starting a band who is considering bringing in a horn section.
( 6:02 PM )
Music review:
David Byrne
Rei Momo (1999)
I love just about everything David Byrne touches. This album is no exception. Byrne’s foray into Latin American music produced some his greatest songs. Check out “Independence Day,” “Make Believe Mambo,” and “Marching through the Wilderness.” I love the arrangements here. One of the amazing aspects of this style of music is the sheer size of the sound without the typical, kick/snare drum combination that dominates American pop music (pre-Roland 808, anyway). It always shocks my American ears. And having Steve Lillywhite produce doesn’t hurt either.
This album is great because you get to hear real Latin music, performed by real Latin musicians. But the lyrics are English, making it a bit more approachable for the average American dude (although there is a lot of what I will assume to be Spanish and Portuguese). Byrne’s lyrics on Rei Momo are among his best. And his voice just works beautifully over this music.
Many reviewers of Rei Momo accuse Byrne of cultural imperialism by taking his own material, hiring a bunch of Brazilian musicians, and “Latinizing” it. They scoff at this album, scolding listeners for ignoring real Latin musicians and buying a watered-down Americanized product. Ignore these people. They are bitter critics who are just trying to shove the fact that they already have a great salsa collection down your throat. This album is a brilliant marriage of cultures and music. If you can’t appreciate that, then move to Guatemala and don’t bring a radio.
This album will make you want to get up and move around. And something about Byrne’s vocals are reassuring in a way that won’t make you feel embarrassed just because you can’t salsa or mambo. His passion for the music is infectious, and his sense of humor provides a light-hearted feel without compromising the quality of the performances.
There is a strong sense of joy associated with this album. I’m always very happy when I listen to it. Perhaps that says something about this type of music or the artists that perform it. The album captures a certain attitude that I have found associated with some African music, and a sense of certain African peoples that I have both read about and experienced. Byrne sums it up in his chorus on Marching Through the Wilderness…
Marching through the wilderness
Crying out for tenderness
They call me Mr. Pitiful
But everything is wonderful
There is a certain amount of sadness and suffering associated with the human condition. But in the end, the experience is one of happiness and joy. And even the sorrow and pain that infects our lives can never take away from the sheer exhilaration and utter joy of being alive. Rei Momo is a great celebration and reminder of that joy.
( 11:10 AM )
Alright, this blog needs a shot in the arm. I'm gonna try something.
I have realized lately how much time I have been spending pursuing music rather than actually listening to it. I have a lot of great albums that I have been neglecting in my chase for more more MORE. I'm going to attempt to start listening to an entire album, start to finish, on a semi-daily basis. Then I'll post a little review of that album here. We'll see if this will kickstart this pathetic blog a little bit. I'm not writing nearly as much here as I should. I need a theme, so maybe this will work. We'll see how long I can keep it up...
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