( 1:01 AM )
My son is two-years-old today. Funny how two years can seem like a reallylong time and almost no time at all. If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’mgoing to take a quick stroll down memory lane (and then afterwards I’m goingto try to find out where the hell the expression “memory lane” came from).
His name is Dean Martin, named after the singer, actor and partner of Jerry Lewis. It’s not so much that I’m a huge fan of the Rat Packer – although I am a big fan – as much as it was a matter of circumstance. We had a girl name picked out but couldn’t come up with a name for a boy that both fit with McCullin and hadn’t already been used repeatedly within our families. So, of course, when we went for an ultrasound the guy running the machine almost immediately announced that it was a boy – which I figured would happen due to the name issue.
The doctor’s office in Culver City was within walking distance from our apartment,right across the street from the Sony Studios lot (which used to be the MGM lot, back in the day). As we were walking back from the appointment, I stopped at a small pizza place to get a slice since I hadn’t eaten all day. As my wife and I talked about the fact that we now knew we were having a boy, I kept staring at a picture of Dean Martin on the wall. First name, middle name and it worked with my last name. Took me months to finally convince my wife that it was OK to name our son after a performer who’s shtick had a lot to do with being liquored up and hitting on “broads,” but I finally won out after no other name could manage to top it.
The day that my wife ended up being admitted to the hospital, we had a late breakfast in Beverly Hills where we ended up sitting next to Judge Judy and her husband Judge What’s His Name. We also went to the Beverly Hills City Hall to cast our early votes in the California gubernatorial election – the one that eventually led to the whole recall mess that ended with Arnold Schwarzenegger becoming a high ranking elected official.
When they admitted my wife to Cedars Sinai, it was with the intention of inducing labor. That was on October 28th, in the late afternoon. If you noticed the date on this posting, my son was born on the evening of October 30th. They couldn’t send my wife home, but they didn’t seem to know what else to do with her. For two days, we were stuck in a prep room that most people are only in for a few hours.
Couple of funny things about Cedars Sinai – one, they have a closed circuit TV channel that shows old television shows like “Burns & Allen” and, my personal favorite, “The Bill Dana Show” featuring his Jose Jiminez character from the ‘60’s and a pre-“Get Smart” Don Adams. Two, it’s only about a block from the Beverly Center shopping mall, which comes in handy when you’re unexpectedly stuck in a small room for a couple of days. My son still has the Etch-A-Sketch in his room that I bought there to help kill time.
The staff felt so bad about having us stuck in limbo for so long that when it came time to move us to a delivery room, they went out of their way to make sure that we had a good one. It faced out onto Beverly Blvd., with a whole wall of windows, and from the bed you could make out the Hollywood sign in the distance. You could also see the huge billboards on Sunset Blvd. up on the hill. We had a perfect view of rush hour traffic in LA, which, by the way,is the best way to handle it – stare at it from a 5th floor window.
Everything went fine at first in the delivery room. We had a couple of CD’s playing to help my wife relax. Instead of watching TV for a change, we were getting to watch Los Angeles in full action below us. And we were about to be parents – or from my wife’s perspective this was all about to be over, since she had been in pain and not allowed to eat solid food since she had been admitted to the hospital.
The obstetrician showed up just as my wife was getting to the push stage. Right after the OB, my best friend Ann – who introduced my wife and I – showed up assuming that she was arriving after the baby had been born. Since my wife wanted the extra support, Ann ended up staying in the room with us...something she still hasn't completely forgiven us for.
I still remember what was playing on the CD when it happened – “What A Good Boy” by Barenaked Ladies. Things weren’t completely fine anymore, because the baby was stuck. Without getting too graphic let’s just say that some suction devices were brought out to help extract the baby. Ann and I, each holding one of my wife’s legs, exchanged horrified looks as the doctor began trying to suck out my son’s head. My wife couldn’t really see what was happening, and was mostly just looking pretty pale. She was softly singing along to “Angel Mine” by Cowboy Junkies while she was trying to push.
Finally, little Dean came out and was placed on my wife’s stomach. And then I heard the most horrifying words that I have ever heard in my life – “He’s not breathing.”
Suddenly,a SWAT team of doctors came rushing into the room, took the baby to the other side and began bagging him. One guy was squeezing the bag, other hands were massaging my son, another guy was checking vital signs, but the one I remember most was the person that kept calling out how much time had elapsed.
I was standing in the middle of the room, watching doctors work on our newborn while on the other side of me, my wife looked like she was about to pass out. I had that moment of wondering if what was supposed to be one of the happiest occasions of my life was about to go horribly wrong. Apparently, I looked shell-shocked enough that Ann tried to reassure me and we don’t really the type of relationship where we go out of our way to reassure each other.
After about three minutes – which seemed like a week and a half – the doctors in the room relaxed. Dean was breathing on his own, still a little weakly, but good enough. The SWAT team had to basically force me to come over and cut the umbilical cord, which I was reluctant to do considering how badly my hands were shaking.
Only a few minutes later, they took Dean and I down to the nursery so that they could start doing the requisite tests. After being in the nursery for a while, I went back to the delivery room to see when they were moving my wife. As I came in they had just helped my wife off of the floor – she had passed out. Turns out if you pass out they keep you in the delivery room longer, so for about an hour and a half I was running back and forth between the nursery and the delivery room.
Just before midnight Pacific Time – or just before Halloween – they finally let us go into a private room. That was the point that everything finally seemed good. There was no one in the room except my wife, my son, and me and as tired as we all were we were a family at last. From then on things went just fine, although we did have to deal with questions from everyone about where our son’s red hair comes from. (Answer: We’re not entirely sure…there’s a little bit of red hair on each side, but we were both blonde as kids.)
Since that fateful day two years ago, Dean has grown into a redheaded toddler that thinks the entire world is one big jungle gym. While he’s full of life, I’ve never completely lost sight of that feeling I had for a scant few seconds when I wasn’t sure that would ever be the case. I don’t dwell on it, but I keep it in the back of my mind to remind myself to enjoy every minute that I share with my son, no matter how big or small. After all, being a parent – watching your offspring grow into their humanness – is fascinating and quite a lot of fun...what’s the point if you’re not going to enjoy it?
If you’ve actually taken the time to read all of this, then I thank you for indulging me. Look at it this way; you only had to read it once. My son is going to have to hear parts of this story over and over again for a good deal of his life. Don’t feel too bad for him though, he’s already learning how to tune me out – a skill that I’m sure will serve him well for many years to come.
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( 9:44 PM )
Ever since the presidential debates ended, I've noticed that there has been a new batch of campaign ads that have ramped up the virulence. Basically, each side has retreated back to the old standby of name calling. "John Kerry and his liberal allies" and "President Bush and his conservative partners in congress" ads for both candidates label the other while pinning the blame of every ill in the free world on the opposition.
Here's my main beef with all of it, besides the fact that I hate campaign ads. I'm not sure why we've decided as a country that it's a bad thing to be either liberal or conservative. Particularly "liberal" which has attained a status in some quarters just below "communist."
For those out there that have an aversion to picking up a dictionary, here are the actual definitions of liberal and conservative:
liberal – adj. 1. generous 2. ample; abundant 3. not literal or strict 4. tolerant; broadminded 5. favoring reform or progress –n 1. one who favors reform or progress
conservative – adj. 1. tending to conserve 2. tending to preserve established institutions etc.; opposed to change 3. moderate; cautious –n 1. a conservative person
The thing is that in reality most reasonable people are both liberal and conservative, just depending on the issue. I know that I -- whom many of my peers would consider extremely liberal -- can ended up agreeing with a conservative position on a number of issues. That's why I bristle when people dismiss someone that disagrees with them as just being too liberal or conservative to be worth listening to. Open discourse is the foundation of this country.
The other thing that irritates me to no end is the fact that there are whole groups of people that have absolutely no understanding of the two words yet have no trouble tossing them around to prove some point or another. Ask a faithful listener of Rush Limbaugh what "liberal" means and you're apt to get a stammering answer about wanting to raise taxes and not support the military. That's not what it means, but that's all they know because that's the propaganda that they've been fed.
How is it that we've let words that both have favorable attributes become tools in a war of hatred between the far right and the far left in this country? Are we really that simple minded that we just allow the extremes to cajole the rest of us into acceptance? For the record, while I might find Limbaugh to be basically evil, I don't have a whole lot of fondness for Michael Moore either. I think that they both go too far in a completely unhealthy and unhelpful way.
Political bamboozlement is nothing new of course -- it's been around as long as societies have attempted politics. But is it really too much to ask that we as Americans actually make an attempt to see beyond all of the bullshit?
I'm reminded of a story from when I was in college. I had a political science class in the fall of the Bush-Dukakis election. As the outspoken liberal in the class -- I even worked on the Dukakis campaign for God's sake -- I was frequently the target of the instructor who had once been a national leader of the Young Republicans and had worked as a campaign manager for numerous members of Congress. During the campaign the fact that Mike Dukakis was a "card-carrying member of the ACLU" became a major issue and a way to paint him as a liberal. One day as we were discussing it the instructor chuckled over the strategy. "I'm a card carrying member of the ACLU," he explained. "Most members of Congress are. They practically require you to join the ACLU in law school. The charter of the ACLU is just to challenge the constitutionality of laws. The whole point is that they're supposed to challenge anything and everything, and that's a necessary part of our legal system. But most people that don't work in law don't know that so you can tell them whatever you want about the ACLU and they'll buy into it."
Unfortunately, when it comes to politics we don't have enough people that are willing to do some comparative shopping without relying entirely on the sales pitch.
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( 11:48 PM )
If you're not aware, the 2Walls staff writers had a roundtable discussion going on during baseball's American League Championship Series, since there's a number of both Yankees and Red Sox fans around here. My role was to be the impartial one, since typically I don't like either team. Of course, just like in politics, it's hard to stay completely impartial and I was soon accused of wanting the Red Sox to win...which was true to a point since Boston had a chance to do something no other team ever has, come back in a 7 game series after losing the first three games. I still wasn't emotionally involved when Boston ended up winning, but it was cool to see.
Well, I just watched the St. Louis Cardinals defeat the Houston Astros for the chance to face the Red Sox in the World Series. Chances are once the Series gets started I'm going to end up being called a closet Sox fan again.
The issue is that while I've never really liked the Red Sox, I've frequently despised the Cardinals. It goes back to their manager in the 1980's Whitey Herzog, whom just simply irritated me. I can't even remember why but I couldn't stand the guy. Didn't like their entire team at the time...Tommy Herr, Ozzie Smith, Willie McGee, Vince Coleman, all of them. The year that the Cardinals played the Royals in the World Series is one of a handful of years since I was 10 that I barely watched any game of the championship.
There just always seems to be a smugness to the baseball teams in St. Louis...sort of the way that there always is with the Dallas Cowboys in football, even when they stink. It's as though they feel like they're the ones that really understand the game. That's different and more insidious than just normal obnoxiousness like the Yankees and it's always rubbed me the wrong way. I don't even dislike Tony LaRussa the way other people do but the atmosphere that he's brought to the Cardinals -- I mean, he's a manager with a law degree -- fits hand in glove with what bothers me about the organization.
There are things that I don't like about the Red Sox as well...the whininess of their fans, their irrational love of that ballpark and the various boneheaded moves of Pedro Martinez and Manny Ramirez. But Boston has a manager that's bald, and as a bald man I've got to respect any of my brothers that have risen to a position of power.
Besides all of that the Cardinals have won multiple World Series titles since the last time the Red Sox managed the trick -- 86 years and counting. So much like in the presidential election, I'm going with what I consider the lesser of two evils and picking the Red Sox to win.
Oh and if it seems like I dislike a lot of things, it's true...I do. It's something I've tried to work on, especially now that I'm a father, but it's just a fact that I dislike more things and people then I like. So, I'm aware of the problem and rest assured that I don't like it one bit.
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( 9:10 AM )
I've been in Kalamazoo, Michigan for only a few months, and prior to that I was in Los Angeles for 8 years. Today, the temperature didn't get above 45 F and it rained all day. I was talking to someone who said, "Well, it's finally fall." Fall?! I thought that it was fall when the daytime temperature stopped hitting 60 degrees. I suppose on some level I realize that it's going to be much colder here than what I've gotten used to, but I hate it when reality begins to intrude on my active denial. When the weather's nice I don't have to deal with the fact that I am now someplace where terms like "lake effect snow" aren't just empty prattle on the Weather Channel. It's only been one day and already I've come up empty trying to explain to my 2-year-old son why he can't go outside.
Luckily, besides the full complement of college football games, FX ran a marathon of Arrested Development in order to hype the second season. As someone that's friends with a lot of sitcom writers I'm just going to go ahead and say that a) that show is nothing short of brilliant and b) I can't believe it actually made it on the air, even at Fox. It's a shame that the ratings sucked so bad last season -- I'm doubly amazed that Fox renewed the show -- but there's some hope that more people might give it a shot after that Best Comedy Emmy. Any show that features both Jeffrey Tambor and David Cross needs to stay on the air as long as possible.
On a side note about Arrested Development, I've never thought that Portia DeRossi, who plays the lone Bluth daughter, looks particularly attractive on screen. Not unattractive, but nothing special. However, she's one of the few actresses that I've actually thought looks much better in person. The first time I saw her on a studio lot, I didn't realize who she was but I had ample time to figure it out because I caught myself staring at her. Of course, I've known other people that think the exact opposite about her, so take it for what it's worth...absolutely nothing.
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( 3:39 PM )
Holy cow, it's a blog! I can't decide if that sounds more like it's from a 1950's sci-fi movie or from a really cheesy Star Trek episode.
Here's what's on my mind. If you're not a die-hard fan of one of the baseball teams, then last night was really rough on the average television viewer. Two playoff games and the presidential debate. For the first time ever, I legitimately used the Picture-In-Picture option on my TV. To be honest, I never bothered to really figure out how it worked before. Of course, then my son wouldn't go to sleep, wanted me to be the one to put him to bed, wouldn't settle down...long story short, I missed a huge chunk of the debate and the middle innings of the games.
Here's when I realized how pathetic I can be -- at one point I walked up to my television and tried to read the tiny Astros-Cardinals score from the PIP box of the Yankees telecast. The score was about a millimeter tall. I could have just switched over to the game to see it. It wasn't like I would've been missing anything...at the time either Kerry was calling Bush a liar or Bush was accusing Kerry of exaggerating, I don't remember which. Heck, I could've just looked online for the score since the computer was the same distance from me as the TV. But no, I was squinting at a tiny graphic with my face two inches from the screen. I would feel worse about it, but I come from a long, proud line of morons, so I've decided instead that I was just honoring the memory of my idiotic forebears.
Speaking of the presidential election, exactly who are these undecided voters? I have yet to meet one person that was undecided and when you listen to the people that CNN calls undecided being interviewed they certainly don't sound all that unsure of their decision. Really it's pretty simple, if you believe that George W. Bush is doing the right things then you vote to keep him in office. And if you believe that he and his cronies are trying to ensure that things keep working their way (ie to their benefit) using any means necessary, then you would vote for Magilla Gorilla over him. Heck, you'd even vote for John Kerry. Nothing against the man but at this point the most apt discription for him is "uninspiring."
On a completely different note, I have just begun work on a cookbook. Why am I writing a cookbook you might wonder? Because I can...which is my only reason for doing a lot of things. If you've got any suggestions for recipes that you think would make good fodder for a cookbook, feel free to pass that along.
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