( 11:52 AM )
Storm clouds gathering as election looms (impressive headline, eh?)
With the presidential election only days away, it seems like we’re on the verge of our entire world collapsing around us. Alright, that’s an exaggeration, but major geo-political shifts are beginning to occur. Look at what is going on just days before the most hotly contested and most important election in my lifetime…
The war in Iraq drags on as American troops gather near Fallujah for an impending battle with insurgents. What happens in Fallujah could be critical to the viability and effectiveness of elections next year.
Hundreds of tons of explosives vanished from an Iraqi weapons depot, apparently after American soldiers had inspected the bunker shortly after the fall of Baghdad. Kerry has used this to attack Bush, while the president has mostly ignored it.
Iraqi Prime Minister Allawi accused American troops in Iraq of “gross negligence,” effectively blaming them for the slaughter of 50 Iraqi National Guardsmen by insurgents.
A Pentagon official has accused the Army of showing favoritism toward Halliburton in awarding them a no-bid contract before the start of the Iraq war. An investigation appears forthcoming.
Both presidential campaigns have enlisted thousands of lawyers to monitor the election for fraud and prepare to contest illegally cast ballots or lobby to provide access for voters who are turned away from the polls. Unless the vote is more lopsided than expected, it’s likely that the losing team will challenge the outcome in court.
A new Al Qaeda video, so far unsubstantiated by the CIA, shows an American-accented individual threatening terrorist acts graver than 9/11 and urging American voters to remove Bush/Cheney from office.
Yasser Arafat is gravely ill. His death would likely cause tremendous upheaval in the Palestinian movement.
Fidel Castro’s health has been questioned after a recent fall that made even Chevy Chase cringe with pain.
Russia is swinging back toward totalitarianism in the face of increasing terrorism surrounding Chechnya. The Washington Times has linked Russian troops to the disappearance of weapons in Iraq.
Chief Justice William Rehnquist is being treated for thyroid cancer, raising questions about the likelihood of numerous Supreme Court vacancies over the next four years.
A flu vaccine shortage has millions of people nervous, particularly seniors and pregnant women.
The American news media is under continual scrutiny, pressure and criticism. Comedy shows are being criticized for not being newsy enough, and the New York Times and 60 Minutes have watched their reputations plummet. The very definition of what is news is being questioned like never before, and news agencies have been dragged into the political process further than they ever have in 100 years.
Evidence of a lost race of hobbits has been discovered on a Pacific Island.
The Boston Red Sox won the World Series on the same night as a full lunar eclipse.
If all of this is not a sign that we need to change our leadership, I don’t know what is. The stakes are getting higher.
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0 comments
( 1:02 AM )
Jesus Christ, the Red Sox won the World Series...I feel nauseous...
After watching the final 10 days of the baseball playoffs, it’s obvious that God wanted the Boston Red Sox to win the World Series.
Every player in their lineup got big hits when they needed them. David Ortiz became a superstar. Mark Bellhorn avenged the Fenway boos he heard during the early games of the ALCS. Keith Foulke looked like Mariano Rivera. Mike Timlin looked like Rivera circa 1996 when he was a setup man. Pedro Martinez looked like the old Pedro. Derek Lowe looked like the 21 game winner from two years ago, not the shell-shocked head case who fell apart every time he left Fenway Park this season. And Curt Schilling pitched brilliantly in two games when he shouldn’t have been pitching at all.
Terry Francona, who seemed lost for so much of the season, outmanaged Joe Torre and Tony LaRussa. The umps got every call right when they had every opportunity to blow a number of them. Every hard hit ball by the Cardinals was hit right at a Boston fielder. The Red Sox got every bounce. They committed eight errors (8!) in the first two games of the World Series, and won them both.
All the horrible things that usually happen to the Sox worked in their favor this time.
The Red Sox finally exorcised the Curse of the Babe and co-opted the spirit of the Yankees. They played with confidence over the final 8 games, and it never looked like they would lose a game the minute they beat the Yanks in Game 5.
But most importantly, the Sox learned how to win. They fought all year, even after a miserable stretch of .500 baseball that lasted from May until August. They came back against Rivera in late July, the game where Varitek and A-Rod wrestled each other to the ground. They came back from a 10-game deficit to make the Yankees sweat their way to yet another division crown. And then they came back from 3-0…
But the season turned on a play by Derek Jeter. When Jeter dove into the stands late into the night on July 1, the Red Sox saw what it means to want to win, what it means to be a champion, and what it means to KNOW you’re going to win. And as Jeter emerged from the stands bruised and bloodied, the Sox players saw their franchise player sulking on the dugout bench, alone while his teammates crowded the railing, caught up in the game.
The sulking Nomar, sitting out with a nagging injury, was caught on camera. That was the day Red Sox fans said, No More. It was as if The Nation gave Theo Epstein permission to trade him. Theo knew it was time, and the team knew they couldn’t have anyone in that clubhouse who didn’t believe. A month later the Sox traded Nomar, and the team turned their season around.
Leave it to a Yankee fan to somehow credit Derek Jeter for a Red Sox championship. I admit, I’m bummed to see them win. I loved the curse and all the Boston angst it dredged up every year. But at the same time, I am genuinely glad for all those people who have literally waited their entire lives for a championship. And so many of them had fathers and brothers and uncles who never lived to see it. I’m also glad because it’s good for baseball, and ultimately that’s more important than anything at a time when the national pastime has to fight tooth and nail for every young fan.
But here’s my final thought on a Sox championship. When I lived in Chapel Hill, N.C., I got heavily into UNC basketball. The Carolina-Duke rivalry is one of the most intense in sports. Both teams have enjoyed tremendous success over the years, but the recent success of Duke eats away at Carolina fans like a cancer.
I had a friend who worked at UNC and was a former employee in the school’s basketball office during Dean Smith’s tenure. We were talking about the UNC-Duke rivalry one day when she said something that struck me. She said that most Carolina fans hate Duke more than they love Carolina. These fans didn’t mind if the Heels didn’t win a championship, as long as Duke didn’t win.
I never liked that idea, although I can identify with it. I’ve never had to deal with it as a Yankee fan, until now. Well, I don’t ever want to be like that. As Joe Torre said after the ALCS, their goal was not to keep the Sox from winning; it was to win it themselves.
The Yankees didn’t win, and the fact that they were so close hurts. But the Sox truly earned it, and their fans certainly deserve it. I’ll just take a big ol’ bite of humble pie and suck it up until next year.
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0 comments
( 11:59 AM )
Martha Talks
The following is from a message from Martha Stewart which appeared on her Web site one week after her imprisonment in a minimum security “camp” in West Virginia.
“The camp is fine; it is pretty much what I anticipated. The best news -- everyone is nice -- both the officials and my fellow inmates. I have adjusted and am very busy. The camp is like an old-fashioned college campus -- without the freedom, of course.”
Call me crazy, but doesn’t this raise some questions about our prison system?
The following is correspondence between Martha Stewart and Mujabi Muhammad, a prisoner at Camp Delta, Guantanamo Bay…
Dear Mujabi,
My name is Martha Stewart, and I am writing from a prison camp in the United States. I am quite famous in America. Perhaps you’ve heard of me? I control a media empire worth many millions of dollars. But I have been sent to prison for some business deals that the government said were illegal. I have protested my innocence in court and in the media, but the government refused to believe me and decided to make an example of me instead. But perhaps I’m preaching to the choir. ;)
After dropping my appeal and beginning to serve my sentence (5 months!) I decided to really get into the whole incarceration experience. I want to write a book and think I need to draw on the experiences of other prisoners as well as my own travails. Certainly the plight of you and your fellow “mujahadeen” has garnered a great deal of attention lately. So I figured you could provide a unique perspective on prison life.
How are you doing? What is your cell like? Are the guards nice? What about the other inmates? Do you have access to recent newspapers and magazines, or are you stuck with National Geographics from 20 years ago (like one inmate in Illinois I heard from)? What do they feed you? Are they respectful of your religious beliefs? What is the hardest thing about being imprisoned (besides the obvious lack of freedom)? What is the best thing about prison (i.e. lots of time to read, working out, weight loss because you don’t get the chance to snack, etc.)? Do you have any interesting or funny anecdotes about prison life at Guantanamo?
I also want to focus on the harsh realities of prison life, not just the more positive aspects. So don’t hesitate to write about those difficult moments of hopelessness and desperation (fortunately I haven’t had any of those yet—it’s only been three weeks!). Writing can be therapeutic (another benefit of incarceration). I encourage you to pour your heart out to me, and let me tell the world. I think you will find this exercise to be enlightening and fun, yet also difficult. But most of all, I think by taking inventory of your feelings you will learn to embrace the hope that you can get on with your life at the end of your sentence. Please include the length of your sentence and your release date, assuming good behavior. :)
I wish you the best and look forward to hearing from you.
Your prison pen pal,
Martha Stewart
P.S. I have enclosed three cartons of cigarettes. Some of my supporters keep sending them to me, and I don’t smoke (although I suspect that some of these “supporters” are actually jokesters, but that’s neither here nor there). Plus, at my facility they really aren’t traded as currency as in other institutions. We all earn money for our labor (raking leaves, cleaning the gameroom, etc.) that we can keep and use in the cafeteria and sundry shop. So smoke ‘em now that you got ‘em! Hope you like menthol.
Martha,
You American scum. You take me away from my home country and lock me in this hell pit filled with the stench of a thousand rotting pig carcasses baking in the desert. You give me no access to a lawyer, no hope of a trial, and no way of contacting my family or anyone else. I may never leave. I don’t have a “release date.” And I sure as hell didn’t receive the cigarettes you allegedly sent. And if you did send them, they are no doubt being smoked by the infidel guards that routinely harass, torture and shame me for their own pleasure.
Have you heard of Rage Against the Machine? Well, I never had. Until I was forced to listen to their debut album at deafening volume for 14 STRAIGHT HOURS. Oh, and did I mention that during this listening session my wrists were shackled to my ankles, I was naked, and the AC was cranked at full blast so that what is left of my testicles was dripping icicles?
And speaking of my testicles…I used to have hair on them. But apparently 200 volts of electricity can do some strange things to hair follicles. Now I’m as bald down there as an infant. Perhaps you’ve seen the photos on the Internet. I’ve been told my family has, along with the entire population of Fayetteville, North Carolina.
You make me sick. I don’t know what kind of prison camp you’re in, but it doesn’t sound like you have to urinate and defecate in front of guards of the opposite sex. I get to do this almost every day! Perhaps I can build a birdhouse for you out of the feces that routinely lands in my cell from the other inmates that toss it around like pebbles at the stone pillars of Mecca.
Good luck with your book. You are the devil.
Mujabi Muhammad
Mujabi,
I found the tone of your letter to be more than a bit dark and antagonistic. I am simply trying to write an honest account of prison life. I understand that things are tough in prison. I’m in prison, remember? And I understand that I asked you to pour your heart out to me. But you ignored many of my questions and cursed me as if I had something to do with your imprisonment. Perhaps you are innocent (as am I, remember?). But I am here, and you are there, and there’s precious little either of us can do about it. So why not make better use of the time than writing vile letters of hate?
I think I have heard enough of the hardships you have faced. Now how about enlightening me about some of the more positive aspects of your incarceration. Have you made new friends? Have you had more time to study the Koran or perhaps even the Bible? Surely there must be something. Search deep within your heart, and I am confident you will find it.
Sincerely,
Martha
Martha,
Your letters brighten my day like the glistening stream of urine being poured over my head by one of the criminal guards here, as happened yesterday.
I apologize for my tone, but my life here has been an eternity of pain and suffering. I understand that you are an important person in America, despite your legal problems. Please help me. Please do whatever you can to get me out of here. I need a lawyer. Can you find me one? Can you speak to someone in the government about the brutal conditions and torture at this prison? I will do anything to get out of here. I know you are a kind woman and would do anything to help another human being in pain.
I am desperate. You are my only hope. Please…
Mujabi
Dear Mujabi,
I know things are tough, but we have to let the process work. When I took my company public, it was a much harder road than most people think. There were endless meetings with venture capitalists, many of whom assaulted me with questions about the long-term viability of this venture. Many of them turned their backs on me, like Judas. And yet we were wildly successful! Even with my legal problems, the company is still doing well. They all wish they had come on board. And now their lives are as dark and miserable as they ever were, and will forever be. I had my revenge. You shall have yours. It will just take time and persistence. Hang in there. I know the powers-that-be in Washington are working out the details of your trial or even your release, depending on how useful you have been to interrogators and how dangerous they think you still might be.
So focus on the future. That’s what I do. When I get out of this camp, I’m going to come back with a furious vengeance. People will see how strong I am, how this doesn’t even bother me in the SLIGHTEST! The U.S. Attorney’s office had better WATCH THEIR BACK. I will show my stockholders, my board, my employees, my fans, my detractors, the government and the world that you cannot drag me down without invoking my WRATH! SOME WILL PAY, BUT ALL WILL GENUFLECT BEFORE THE ALTAR OF MARTHA STEWART!!!!
Your comrade,
Martha
Martha,
I must ask you to discontinue your correspondence. You’re starting to frighten me, and I am afraid any association with you could jeopardize my release. I support the U.S. government and harbor no ill-will towards them or the citizens of the United States. Praise be to Allah, and peace be with you and the people of America.
Mujabi
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0 comments
( 1:43 PM )
An email exchange between me and my friend Ben, a die-hard Cardinals fan, about the AL and NL championship series...
From: David Brown... Subject: Yanks-Sox
http://www.2walls.com/Sports/2004_alcs_preview.asp (ALCS preview)
From: Ben Weinstein... Subject: RE: Yanks-Sox > > > http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=neel/041013 (NLCS preview)
From: David Brown
You don't expect me to read that do you? http://www.2walls.com/Sports/2004_alcs_roundtable_game1.asp (ALCS discussion)
From: Ben Weinstein
Am i expected to read that? well, i already did. and again, no mention of the real deal series about to kick off tonight in the greatest baseball town on earth. truthfully, i don't believe that the lou is that great of a baseball town. the fans never get on the players for being lazy or incompetent, no matter what they do. in the 2002 season my dad said that if osama bin laden stepped to the plate in a cards uniform, the hometown fans would give him a standing ovation. even if he hit into a game ending double play!
From: David Brown
I guess that's why players love to play in St. Louis. You think Scott Rolen enjoyed Philly? They loved him there and they STILL hated him.
Who would you take in a baseball game between the Nazis and al Qaeda? I would take the Nazis. I don't see al Qaeda playing very good defense. Although I think Pedro might be pitching for them next year.
From: Ben Weinstein
No, it's the yankees pedro might pitch for next year, not al qaeda. but i can see how you'd make that mistake.
i think i'd also give the edge to the nazis, especially in a series. al qaeda's fiesty and passionate, i'll give them that. but sometimes it's precisely that intense, aggressive play that gets them into trouble. they don't manage well in the long run, either.
the nazis, on the other hand, now there's an organized bunch of players. they are just as fundamentally sound as the big red machine. you're not going to catch any nazi on a base running error, something al qaeda players are prone to do. the nazis play a workman like game, lots of small ball, wheras al qaeda plays more of an american league style baseball, waiting for that three-run bomb late in the game. the nazis manufacture runs well. al qaeda's more suicide than squeeze.
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0 comments
( 6:18 PM )
Top 10 Songs About the Music Business (This list goes to 11.)
“Denmark Street” by the Kinks
The Kinks had a number of songs about life in the music biz, but Denmark Street is my favorite. The lyrics don’t have the viciousness of “The Moneygoround” (“Do they all deserve money from a song that they've never heard/They don't know the tune and they don't know the words”), but the music on Denmark is much stronger. It’s a portrayal of music publishers, many of whom were located on Denmark, London’s version of Tin Pan Alley.
You got to a publisher and play him your song.
He says ‘I hate your music and you hair is too long.
But I'll sign you up because I'd hate to be wrong.’
“It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll” by the Rolling Stones
Greatest song about songwriting ever recorded, and maybe my all-time favorite Stones tune. It’s a pure rock anthem, but the lyrics are antagonistic of the audience. It taunts the rock audience that seeks to elevate rock songs to personalized scripture from the mouths of prophets.
If I could stick a knife in my heart,
suicide right on stage,
Would it be enough for your teenage lust,
Would it help to ease the pain? Ease your brain?
Anything remotely contemptuous of the audience automatically appeals to me. That may be rock’s true spirit (certainly that of punk).
“Write Your Own Songs” by Willie Nelson
This is the finest example of a bitter diatribe against scumbag music execs. The tax-evading red-headed stranger is the perfect guy to pull this off, particularly in a slow, waltz-time country ballad with lines like “Is your head up your ass so far that you can't pull it out?”
We're making you rich and you're already lazy
So just lay on your ass and get richer or write your own songs
“The Late Greats” by Wilco
This is certainly influenced by the fact that Wilco is in very heavy rotation right now in my household. But I do think it’s a great song about the propped up phoniness of popular music. “The best band will never get signed…you never hear them on the radio.” It’s also a peek into the creative process: “The best songs will never get sung, the best life never leaves your lungs.” Songwriters try to write the perfect song, bands try to play it perfectly, and producers try to produce the perfect record. In the end, it’s all just whatever happens to escape from the minds and hearts and fingers of musicians. The true works of genius often never make it out from the body. And if they do, chances are they’ll never see the light of day, must less a Billboard chart.
The fact that this song, the poppiest and most radio friendly on the album (A Ghost is Born) is buried at the end after a 10 minute piece of feedback drives the song’s point home even more.
“The Lonely 1” by Wilco
Another Wilco tune, and one of my favorites. Jeff Tweedy often invokes his own profession as a musician in his lyrics. But in this one, he takes the perspective of a fan interpreting the work and life of his favorite rock star. This jab is directed not at the audience, but at rich and famous musicians who write about being lonely and depressed (something which Tweedy may know a bit about). The song is about a rock star crying about how lonely he is and a fan pointing out his silly hypocrisy. Tweedy is essentially taking a shot at himself. How lonely can a rock star really be compared to so many of his fans?
“Rockin’ the Suburbs” by Ben Folds
Like Tweedy, Ben Folds loves to write about his own station as a musician. Often self-deprecating, “Rockin’ the Suburbs” takes it to a new level: it’s not easy being a rock star from a middle class background…
let me tell ya'll what it's like
being male, middle class and white
it's a bitch, if you don't believe
listen up to my new CD
i'm rocking the suburbs
i take the checks and face the facts
that some producer with computers
fixes all my shitty tracks
There is also a racial component to the song, a product of Folds’ growing up in North Carolina. It adds a bizarre depth to the song, but it’s ultimately a sardonic look at life as a white middle class geek in a multi-racial society. And the song really does rock, in a white boy sort of way.
“Napoleon” by Ani DiFranco
“Napoleon” deals with the touchy and rarely explored topic of relationships between musicians. The narrator is a working-class musician in the mold of DiFranco, while the subject of her rant is a mate who sells out to make it big.
And I wonder if you miss your old friends
once you've proven what you're worth.
And I wonder, when you're a big star
will you miss the earth?
DiFranco is the ultimate example of a musician who refuses to sell out and still makes it big, so she’s probably just about the only person who could write this song and get away with it. She understands how difficult it must be to resist the temptations of the big record companies, even when you know you’re bound to get fucked over.
“Crew Slut” by Frank Zappa
Zappa has written extensively about the realities of the music business. But “Crew Slut” from Joe’s Garage is my favorite. An ode to groupies who settle for satisfying roadies and end up touring with the group, “Crew Slut,” in typical Zappa fashion, is graphic and pointed in its description.
You never to get move around
You never go nowhere.
I know you’re prob’ly gettin’ tired
Of all the guys out there.
You always wondered what it’s like
To go from place to place.
So, darlin’, take a little ride
On the mixer’s face.
This song is merciless and hysterical. And keeping with the theme of roadies…
“(We are) The Road Crew” by Motorhead
First, forgive me for not bothering to figure out how to get the umlacht over the second “o” in Motorhead. Second, I love the fact that in the title they felt the need to include “We are” in parentheses. I’ve never understood this phenomenon in pop music. I think we would have figured it out anyway.
No band rocks like Motorhead. And no song cuts to the chase quicker about the roadie experience…
Another town
I've left behind,
Another drink
completely blind,
Another hotel
I can't find,
Another backstage pass for you,
Another tube of super glue,
Another border to get through.
This song also wins the award for the shortest, simplest most direct lyrical phrasing in a chorus:
“WE ARE THE ROAD CREW.”
That’s it. A guitar fill and on to the next verse.
“My Band” by D12 featuring Eminem
First of all, I watched 8 Mile last night. But that had nothing to do with this selection. In fact, I’m half tempted to pull this from the list after that debacle. Maybe I’m not the hippest guy in the world, and maybe I’m as white as ceiling paint, but I fail to see how anyone could enjoy that movie. But my wife always watches when it’s on. Besides having a penchant for bad movies, she enjoys the rap battles. I’m not kidding.
Eminem’s acting not withstanding, “My Band” deserves to be on the list. Slim Shady has always written about his own place in the music world with far more skill than the average boastful rapper. But this song is the best of those efforts because of D12. Not because they’re musical geniuses, but because the song gives us the perspective of a bunch of guys who are clearly playing second fiddle to Eminem. It’s a brilliant idea. Most rappers in the same group take turns pumping each other up and bashing their rival MCs. This twists that formula around with great effect when the members of D12 gripe about their backup role…
Look at him, little punkass thinkin' he the shit
Yeah, I know, man, find himself takin' on a flick
Hey, I thought we had an interview with DJ Clue
(Eminem: No I had an interview, not you two).
“Show Business” by A Tribe Called Quest
Most rap acts rhyme about how much money they’re making, how many albums they sell, what kind of Benz or Bentley they drive, and how they love being famous rappers. In “Show Business” the Tribe tackles all the bullshit associated with a business filled with crooks, grifters, hangers-on, bootleggers, industry scumbags and other leeches.
Let me tell you 'bout the snakes, the fakes, the lies, the highs
At all of these industry shing-dings
Where you see the pretty girls
In the high animated world
Checkin' for a rapper with all the dough
If you take a shit they want to know
And if you're gonna fall, they won't be around, y'all.
Straight ahead stuff that says it all.
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0 comments
( 7:45 PM )
Why can’t baseball get it right?
Bud Selig has done some good things for baseball. He expanded the playoffs and started interleague play, two things that infuriate purists but make the game more attractive to casual observers. After the strike, Major League Baseball was in a position to do whatever it could to keep attracting audiences, on TV and at the ballparks. Bud got these things done, and baseball is stronger and better because of it.
Now that I’ve given the Commish his due, I will commence ripping his tenure to shreds. While baseball is strong right now, it’s not nearly as strong as it could be. For this, Selig is to blame. There have been too many missed opportunities and too many gaffes, the latest of which occurred last night.
Did you watch the Yanks-Sox? Of course you did. Did you bother to look for the other game? I did. I thought is was supposed to be on FX. It wasn’t. I still don’t know if the game was on anywhere but on Fox in St. Louis and Houston. This is the NLCS! How could this happen? Why were these games scheduled on the same day at the EXACT SAME TIME? That’s pathetic, and the blame should start at the top, Mr. Selig.
Do you think the NFL would ever let that happen? Sure they couldn’t get the Dolphins game on national TV after is was rescheduled because of the hurricane. But that was because of a HURRICANE!! I don’t recall any recent natural disasters in St. Louis that would have caused them to reschedule this game at the last second.
So in honor of last night’s TV debacle, let’s look back at some other baseball screw-ups under the Selig administration. And for each one, ask yourself, could this kind of thing ever happen in the NFL?
1) It’s a tie! The All-Star game fiasco of 2002 was a public humiliation for Selig. Who can forget that picture of him throwing his hands up in the air, complete out of ideas and seemingly saying, “What are you asking me for?” Granted this wasn’t a tragedy—it’s just an all-star game. But it was another example of baseball looking like a second-rate sport.
2) The solution to the All-Star game fiasco. Here’s how Selig decided to prevent another All-Star tie: “Let’s give this game some kind of phony meaning so managers have to be more careful with their pitchers. We’ll give the winning league home field advantage in the World Series. Brilliant!”
Not brilliant. Why should an exhibition game have anything to do with the World Series? It was stupid enough that each league got home field advantage every other year. Why can’t this be determined on merit? Is there anybody who disagrees with this? With this screwy system, you could potentially have a wild card team with home field advantage over the team with the best record in baseball. Which is exactly what could happen if the Red Sox and Cardinals advance to the Series. It’s a moronic idea, and it’s shocking that it was implemented for a two year trial. Surely that will go away next year. Right, Bud? Right? Huh? Please??
3) OK Mr. Bonds, your steroid self-testing packet should arrive in 8-12 weeks. Just follow the instructions and send it in before Easter if you can. Alright, maybe the players association should take the blame on this one. And Selig did finally get the players to agree to testing. But he acted too late and gave in too much. We all gasped as balls started flying out of ballparks. Bud didn’t want to rain on anyone’s parade. Now we’ve got a cloud of suspicion hanging over the game’s greatest player. It makes baseball look like a joke. And as more information comes out about what has really been going on, this is going to get a lot worse.
4) The Brewers. Ask people in Milwaukee what they think of Bud Selig. Then cover your face so you don’t get covered in blood and venom. Selig forced the local government to pay for his new stadium, arguing that the Brewers couldn’t compete without it. How’s that worked out so far? Apparently not well enough for Selig, so he’s getting out. His family has agreed to sell the team after four years in Miller Park during which the Brewers never won more than 68 games in a season. Now, thanks to the stadium deal, Selig will make a nice profit on the team’s sale. And it all happened while he was COMMISIONER OF BASEBALL! How is this legal??
5) The TV deal. Fox has come a long way from the network that first introduced Married with Children in 1987. Their sports coverage is very good—except for baseball. They just can’t get this right.
First of all, their studio anchors are awful. The lead anchor is Jeannie Zalesko, who is as wooden as Pinocchio and whose hair is slowly taking over the studio. Kevin Kennedy was a manager of little consequence with zero personality beyond his pock-marked face. They have to get better people in there—recognizable names and faces. These people do the Saturday game of the week and the playoffs! They are the face of baseball to much of the nation. You need a big name player and a big name anchor. Bud Selig ought to spend every waking hour trying to fix this. If the NFL didn’t want Terry Bradshaw on Fox’s pregame show, they’d find a way to get rid of him, even if it meant burying him alive in a steel cage at the bottom of a volcano.
They also need better talent to call the games. Buck and McCarver are pretty good, so I’ll let them slide, even though I pray for somebody to push them out of the booth down onto the field from time to time. But the other teams are awful. Can’t they steal some more talent from ESPN, or did they give all their money to Chris Myers? Is he even on Fox anymore?
And there’s one more problem with the TV situation. I have DirecTV and was fortunate enough to have the Extra Innings package this season so I could get pretty much every game. But Fox has the exclusive broadcast rights on Saturday afternoons for the game of the week, so my package is blocked out for games that start before 7pm on Saturday. That’s fine. I understand that.
But here’s the problem. Here in D.C., I get a 1 p.m. game on Saturday, but never seem to get a 4 p.m. game. And there have been lots of 4 p.m. games this year that I wanted to watch, including a Yankees-Red Sox game. I don’t know if this is because my local affiliate didn’t pick up the late game, or if the 4 p.m. games are only for the West Coast. All I know is there were some very good 4 p.m. games late in the season that I could not watch on TV. That’s gotta get fixed. Baseball needs to find a way to make sure the best games are on and available for people to watch. I understand the need for blackout restrictions, but I think they could refine this system to make it work better.
6) The whole Expos situation. Selig let this drag on way to long. He made these poor saps play half their home games in Puerto Rico for the last two years. He essentially made it impossible for them to re-sign Vladimir Guerrero or Javier Vazquez. They squeezed D.C. for a ballpark and are going to throw too much money to Peter Angelos to keep him happy. Hopefully Selig has not set up this organization to fail in Washington.
7) The Pete Rose situation. Sure, the whole mess is Pete’s fault. But Selig let this drag on too long. He should have made him eligible for the Hall of Fame years ago and kept his lifetime ban from the game in tact. Had he done this, Pete wouldn’t have written that stupid book and we wouldn’t be subjected to Tom Sizemore in a gray mop-top wig.
8) Was he really going to contract the Twins? Selig was stupid for even mentioning this idea. The Twins have two World Championships since 1987. And they also happen to compete with Selig’s Brewers for fan base. Another trashy-looking move that cast a shadow of suspicion over the guy who runs baseball.
8) Spiderman ads on bases in All-Star game and ad space on uniforms. At least this never happened. But it’s been close. Bad idea, Bud. This isn’t NASCAR or soccer. Sure, there is a real dearth of advertising in baseball. I know most games are watched with only minimal exposure to ads for products like Budweiser or Coors Light. Without more guidance from advertisers, how will we know which beer really tastes the coldest?
9) He’s a former used car salesman who always looks like he slept in his suit and didn’t have time to comb his hair. Again, not really his fault. But it doesn’t help the game, does it?
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( 10:25 PM )
Some baseball notes…
First, as a huge Yankee fan, I’m not sure I can take another Yanks-Sox series. Imagine how Boston fans must feel.
Second, why can’t Fox do something about their pre-game show. This is the national face of televised baseball, and they give us Jeannie Zalesko and Kevin Kennedy?!?!?! (I probably didn’t spell her name right, but I’m not going to do her the honor looking it up.) They couldn’t get a big name player to do this? Surely it’s not because Kennedy is that good. He ain’t. He’s got zero personality and a face for radio. They need somebody besides a washed up manager who was never a presence in the game.
Can’t they get Reggie Jackson or some other player who was actually famous that can talk a blue streak? Al Leiter was great in the booth during the playoffs. He’d be a good candidate when he retires, although he might be better in the booth. He would certainly make a better B team guy than Steve Lyons. Again, another marginal player who adds NOTHING to the broadcast. For a guy nicknamed “Psycho” he sure is boring and predictable. Most of his comments rarely stray beyond, “Wow, this is great.”
Tim McCarver and Joe Buck are good. As annoying as McCarver is, he’s still the best TV analyst in the game. But god help us if the Cardinals get in the Series. These two might not be able to contain their allegiances.
Finally, I think A-Rod is learning something by hanging out with Jeter. In game 4 tonight, A-Rod stole 3rd base and then scored on a wild pitch. That’s the kind of play Jeter would make, taking advantage of a pitcher not paying attention in a situation where you absolutely can’t afford to get thrown out. Huge play. Having these two guys on the same team is unbelievable. I was critical of A-Rod all season for not producing in clutch situations. But he’s been on fire since September 1 and huge in the playoffs so far.
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( 10:24 PM )
Notes from Debate II: Smackdown in St. Louis
Kerry opened with a jab about no WMD in Iraq. Bush’s jaw looks like it may twist right off his skull. But he avoids the scowls that plagued him in the first debate. One of his handlers must have told him to pick up his pen every time Kerry said something that made him feel nauseous. Either that or he was putting together a really long grocery list all night.
Bush and Cheney have both mastered the look that says, during a debate: I can believe you’re saying these things to me—do you know who I am?!?!
One of my favorite Bush lines of the night: “I wasn’t happy when I found out there wasn’t weapons there [in Iraq].”
The pundits seem to think Bush looked good. I thought he was coming unraveled. His tone was defensive and angry for much of the first hour, though he did settle down in the last 30 minutes. Early on, after repeated attacks by Kerry, Bush looked like a televangelist stalking the stage preaching the truth as he knows it, as if was beyond questioning because he was THE PRESIDENT. He kept saying, “That’s just a fact.” He also seemed to rely on his belief in standing up for his principles, eschewing humility once again, even when given the chance to admit mistakes in a crafty final question. (The Bush campaign must have been fuming at Charles Gibson about that one—particularly as the kicker question of the debate.)
But everything about Bush portrays an image of mere stubbornness instead of conviction. Yet it plays to a huge segment of the electorate. That’s where faith and religion come in. Not God-fearing heartlanders are willing to question it because of his willingness to put his faith out in the forefront of his presidency.
For his part, Kerry looked strong, in control and smart. But he did miss some huge opportunities, as shrewdly noted in William Saletan’s analysis on Slate. He also made a huge gaffe when he tried to have it both ways on the abortion question. You can’t try to split hairs and embrace both sides of a debate that is so polarizing. Abortion is the one political issue with NO MIDDLE GROUND! Bush even got a laugh when he responded, “I’m trying to decipher that.”
Bush’s first joke of the evening was met with silence and tumbleweeds—the glaring difference between playing exclusively to friendly, adoring audiences versus the grim-faced uncommitted voters he faced last night.
I really felt Bush was coming unhinged last night. He was jumping off his stool to respond to Kerry’s attacks. Apparently most analysts thought this showed he was tough and determined. To me it looked like he was angry, defensive, not in command and losing his mind. Kerry must have thought so too, as he could no longer suppress a smug smile after about 45 minutes of looking stoic during Bush’s rants.
The Bush campaign has finally broken the glass and pulled out the emergency “Massachusetts liberal” device, and Bush used it last night. I think that is a sign of both desperation and that the gloves are officially off, as they no doubt were last night. The first hour was really great theatre. Only one more of these to go. Damn! I want more!
Final notes…
Bush on Iran: “We’re paying attention to it.” That’s comforting.
Bush on prescription drug cards for seniors: [pleadingly] “These cards make sense!” Who’s arguing??
Bush on the future: [concerned] “I’m worried…I’m worried about our country.” I’m not sure if that’s a good sign or a bad one.
Kerry’s biggest missed opportunity: somebody asked Bush why his spending (which has been astronomical for a Republican or Democrat) is better than Kerry’s spending plan. The question played right into Kerry’s hands—a fastball up and over the plate, and Kerry fouled it off instead of knocking out of the park (I’m stealing Saletan’s metaphor).
At one point Bush mentioned a small business owner named Grant Milliron (pronounced Mill-Iron). That is the phoniest name ever used by a politician to tell the story of one hard-working American to show compassion for the everyman. Kerry should have come back with, “When I was in Jefferson City last week, I met a retired steel worker named U.S. Mainstreeter and his wife Peggie Sue. They were concerned about their nephew, Glory B. Toogod, who’s over in Iraq…”
And finally, a gripe about post-debate coverage. Stop interviewing campaign staff and people with obvious rooting interests. I don’t want to hear from Karen Hughes, Mike McCurry, Hillary Clinton or Newt Gingrich. Why not just put Bush Sr. and the guy whose life Kerry saved in ‘Nam and ask them who did better? It’s pointless.
What’s worse is that before they interview these guys, anchors are increasingly introducing them as “spinners” as Ted Koppel did last night, continually cracking lame jokes about how he would be spinning around in his swivel chair. Why have them on after you’ve told your audience not pay attention to anything they say? Talk to more undecided voters. I’d rather listen to someone whose opinion MIGHT ACTUALLY MATTER. Either that or stick with the usual stable of pundits.
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( 11:56 AM )
October 7, 2004
In today’s Washington Post, Richard Cohen has a good essay about the draft and feelings about this war. He wonders if the revival of mandatory military service might drastically change our feelings about the war. As it stands now, most Americans, regardless of how they feel about the war, are pretty far removed from it. The fighting is taking place half a world away and is being carried out by a volunteer army. Most of us elitist snobs, while respecting their patriotism and bravery, secretly acknowledge in the recesses of our minds that these people signed up for this in the first place, and our sympathies only extend so far. It sounds callous, but I think that’s how a lot of us look at it.
What’s more, we view the military as a career choice for people with limited options. It is blue collar work for the poor and underprivileged, an escape from a life that could only turn out to be predictably mundane and unfulfilling. As Michael Moore highlights in F9/11, the sons and daughters of Senators and Congressman are not fighting this war—it’s the kids of parents in run-down cities and towns like Flint, Mich., who are doing our dirty work for us.
As the divisions between rich and poor grow wider, it becomes easier for us to justify military action in a far-away locale. A draft would seriously change that. Like Cohen, I’m not arguing for a draft. But this issue of sending our poor to war needs to be addressed.
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I was watching the Braves vs. Astros yesterday afternoon, when the ESPN cameras cut away to a disturbing image: it was a line of women who appeared to be cheerleaders tomahawk chopping in matching jerseys and red shorts. This was a Tivo moment. Sure enough, after further review, these ladies looked like cheerleaders to me. They were all dressed alike, all standing in a line, inordinately beautiful and leggy, shouting their soulless encouragement and catching the attention of the telecast’s director.
Do the Braves have cheerleaders? Was this real? How could this be allowed to happen? Baseball is not supposed to have cheerleaders. That’s one of the game’s great distinguishing traits. Yet it looks like the Braves organization has sullied our national pastime by co-opting one of sports greatest plagues and most useless traditions. Of course, it’s no surprise that the Braves would pull a move like this. With all the sideshow antics used to get people to come to baseball games, is it shocking that the Braves, who have trouble selling out playoff games, would have to stoop to this level?
T he sports experience of the South is all about college football, cheap canned beer consumed in a steamy parking lot and purdy gals. A common sight at college sporting events in the South is a young girl, three or four years old, in a cheerleading outfit. (I was shocked and disturbed to see these same outfits on sale at the New York Yankees clubhouse store on 5th Ave.) The message is clear: young girls should look up to cheerleaders and look forward to a life of standing on the sidelines and standing by your man.
I have been unable so far to find any evidence of this cheerleader phenomenon at Turner Field beyond what I saw on ESPN’s broadcast yesterday. I’ll be watching again today and scouring the Web. This madness must be exposed so that it might end, protecting baseball from the devious attempts of infiltration by—as my father calls them—“twitchers.”
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