( 10:34 PM )
The following letter was found on the noble steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
Awesome news! I got the role of “skank slut #2” on the totally new Law & Order spin-off called Law & Order: Angry Street Justice. Maybe I’ll get a chance to confront that blowhard Fred Thompson about his archaic stance on international free trade and mass consumerism which, if implemented, could have incalculable ramifications on an increasingly post-literate middle class social structure. Oh yeah, don’t use the butter in the fridge because I needed the container to store my dog’s stool sample. Arff Arff!
Rain in the sky, make the world fly
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Raggedy and Dirty” Luther Allison 1972
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( 11:20 PM )
Oh Ashlee
In a moment of really misguided inspiration, I present my ode to Ashlee Simpson sung to the tune of Barry Manilow’s 1975 hit “Mandy.” Interestingly the last stanza remains basically the same and fits nicely. Clive Davis would approve, no?
Never in all my life
Sobering like pants of ice
Singing was a sham
Reputation out the window
Died Saturday Night
The night blows into
Morning, was it something you ate?
Lame excuses pave your way
First it was the drummer
Then acid reflux
I never realized
How transparent you are, Oh Ashlee,
You’re a fraud who got busted for faking
But you still get your way, Oh Ashlee,
Kiss daddy for the money you’re making
Cause you’ll need it someday, Oh Ashlee,
Yesterday’s a dream
I face the morning
Cryin on a breeze
The pain is calling, Oh Ashlee,
Song of the Day:
“Future Games” Fleetwood Mac 1971
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( 11:35 PM )
The following letter was found on the marble steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
You might be right about that new underwater athletic club having some logistical problems. The music is all muffled, the weights are rusted, and I’m having trouble holding my breath and floating to the surface during yoga classes. Dammit! I knew I shouldn’t have signed up for three years! Good news though-- I’ve almost conquered my spastic urge to mess up the sports bras at Lady Foot Locker, and I’m focusing really hard on that near-sighted astronomy class. Astrolithology and Astrochemistry rule!
Speedy’s Coming,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“A Million Miles Away” The Plimsouls 1983
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( 11:16 PM )
State of Illusion
I’m really not a political person by nature, but as a Good American I felt it was my civil duty to sit through the entire State of the Union address last night. Well that, and because I don’t have cable television it was the only thing to watch. Here are some thoughts the day after.
First things first— enough with the ridiculous standing ovations, people. Sit down, pay attention, and just clap politely. This isn’t Austin City Limits. Keeping the speech moving is vital so we can get to the conflicting commentaries that follow immediately afterward. Standing O’s should be reserved for true brilliance in public speaking, not repeated brainstormed buzzwords from a speech writing team. I’m telling you there was more ass-kissing going on than a Rocco Siffredi porno.
Social Security What a diversion this is in the year 2005. America has so many more important issues to focus on. Like how about figuring out why under-funded city school districts across the country continue to crumble, or why my home heating bills have nearly doubled since last year. Why has buying a keg of beer become as difficult as buying a gun? Where was the shark on the Happy Days 30th Reunion Special? So many questions, so few straight answers.
Anyway the social security gist is that if you’re over 55, don’t worry—your benefits will be just fine. That means Generation X—you’re fucked. Years ago I’ll always remember inspecting my first paycheck (from a giant corporation) upset about all the damn payroll deductions. Minimum wage or not, I knew then that I’d likely never see that social security money again. Let’s worry about this “crisis” in 2030 or so. Now about these cell phone bills…
War on Terror I cringe when Bush says we will win the war on terror. Please stop saying that. This “war” is forever--it’ll never be eradicated simply because anyone could be a terrorist. A handful of coordinated people can cause immeasurable damage any time or anyplace. People in NYC, Spain, and Iraq know all about it. America’s perpetual war on drugs and crime obviously will never end, how is it logical to even suggest that we will win a war on terror?
Gay Marriage Saving the sanctity of marriage by amending the constitution. Groan. If Bush really wants dignity restored back to marriage then he should ban all celebrities from ever getting married. Just think, gossip rags like US Weekly and People might not have anything to talk about. Divorce is the actual problem, not gays. If some dude wants to marry another dude, who cares? Today gay men host popular makeover TV shows, play professional sports, serve in the military, and expertly decorate our homes, but they aren’t human enough to marry. Where’s the tsunami relief for gay men?
Song of the Day:
“Penetration” Iggy and the Stooges 1973
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