( 7:35 PM )
The following handwritten letter was discovered neatly folded on the steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
I tried drinking Placebo beer, but it had no effect on me at all. Hey does it maybe seem like these letters are constantly redundant, routinely repetitive, and the same thing over and over, like a mind-numbing & graphically disturbing déjŕ vu? Oh yeah, is there a way to tell if you’re constipated? It’s been several days since I’ve used a bathroom and I’ve been eating various meat sandwiches. I’m not sure if I should do the indecision quiz in Cosmo or not. What do you think? Been pressured and feeling down since my failed gravity experiment so I’m volunteering over at the hospice telling fortunes.
Huge in Bangladesh,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Chewin’ George Lucas’ Chocolate/Goofy’s Concern” Butthole Surfers 1993
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( 11:28 PM )
The following handwritten letter was found neatly folded on the steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
I just think I overheard three cell phones away that along with lighters, you’re not allowed to bring luggage on airplanes anymore. Hey did you ever get the belching clown balloon-a-gram I sent you for winning the 5K Race to benefit Illiteracy? Did you eat any spicy bratwurst over break? Cold oysters? Man I sure did. Had drinks with that French exchange student from Spain, Pierre Conquistador. He’s such a smooth talker, but quite a bullshitter too.
Au revoir bonita gato zapato,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Down South, 10 Hours, I-5” All Girl Summer Fun Band 2003
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( 11:42 PM )
Passport to Canada
I’m a longtime resident of New York State and feel it’s my Good American right to travel to Canada and back without a passport. I’ve been to Canada many times using my NY driver’s license as adequate identification, but soon that’s not going to be good enough. I’ll need a passport-- not necessarily for getting into Canada, but to get back into the United States.
How unnecessary.
Let me get this straight--already each border records drivers, passengers, license plates, car make & models, and copies ID’s. Security guards can ask as many questions as they wish and randomly search any vehicle at any time. So how exactly are passports going to make any difference in this process? Can we mount them on our windshields so we zip through customs like a tollbooth speed pass? And didn’t terrorists that hijacked commercial planes have fake passports? Lot of good passports did.
Passports don’t necessarily stop terrorists from entering the US, but they’ll generate a buttload of money for someone. The base price to obtain a passport is $97 before the cost of your photo, which can run as much as $30. After taxes and fees, figure a passport will actually cost about $150. Multiply that by the millions of Americans (including kids too) who will each need a passport to travel back and forth from Canada. Money, money, where does it all go?
Last December my wife and I were driving back to Rochester, NY after a weekend in Toronto. At the border we were surprised to find that security already knew all our information, like that we had indeed stopped at IKEA just an hour earlier. Nevertheless we were told to pull it over. We parked in a small garage and then sat in a glass holding booth while two officers searched our car.
The whole process took about ten minutes. It was agonizingly pointless (we totally had nothing to hide) and somewhat unnerving (what if they just kept us there?). At one point I was motioned to come out into the bay area while one guy looked in our trunk. Besides enduring more basic ‘already answered that’ questions, the other dude says to me, “Do you have more than $10,000 cash in the car?”
“Uh, no,” I quickly replied, thinking yeah sure--if we had ten grand we would have flown to Tornoto in mere minutes instead of driving four hours in freezing winter weather.
I wonder how passports would’ve changed anything about this incident. Not to mention that when we got home we found a frozen Mexican hombre clinging to the axle of our car.
Song of the Day:
“Witch Hunt” Rush 1981
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( 10:29 PM )
The following handwritten letter was found crumpled on the steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
My bird watching group is really taking flight. I’ve peeped a horny-bottomed red speckled warbler, a stiff-breasted eight-inch dildodo, and a camel-toed booby. In other news, I met this colorful guy named Roy G. Biv--we’re going to the Rainbow Room, then the Spectrum for Joseph & the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Hey don’t forget we hike Molehill Mountain tomorrow—so no lame excuses, making a big deal out of it, or getting all high & mighty on me. Oh yeah, I think your cat is downloading cat porn and also the ringleader of a used air conditioner operation.
I’m pitching an imaginary tent just for you,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“I Just Wanna Have Something to Do” Ramones 1978
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