( 11:39 PM )
Spouting Off About the Rock and Roll Hall 2006 Picks
Of the new inductees into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, (Miles Davis, Black Sabbath, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Blondie, and Sex Pistols) I completely accept Davis and Sabbath, and yeah, I guess Skynyrd, but I scoff at Blondie and the Pistols.
Remember that part of the induction process is that someone came before you. If The Stooges aren’t in then the Sex Pistols shouldn’t be either. Iggy Pop was writhing on glass and smearing himself with peanut butter when Sid was just a wee lad eating his meat so he could have his pudding. The Stooges’ Funhouse by the way, is a kick-in-the-nuts rock masterpiece that holds up better than Bollocks.
The Pistols were a noxious prefabrication shaped by Malcolm McLaren that really only recorded one album thirty years ago (if they even did write all the songs themselves). Sid Vicious was a fuck-up that couldn’t play an instrument, was hooked on smack, killed his girlfriend and later himself. Nice--real inspiring.
The only Pistols tour of the US was a complete fiasco lasting a couple of weeks-- remember “Don’t you feel like you’ve been cheated?” Yeah, like when Milli Vanilli got caught lip-synching or that mongrel Ashlee Simpson was crushed live on SNL. Verdict: the Sex Pistols were limp onstage.
Were the Sex Pistols influential? Sure, in a druggie, anti-social, shitty punk kind of way. Generations later, every skate rat in the US is already born sneering and pissed-off. Were the Sex Pistols a good band? Hardly. Hall of Fame material? Probably not--unless again The Stooges were inducted first—which they weren’t or haven’t been.
Plus how can you even compare the genius of Miles Davis with the rudimentary behavior of the Pistols? Additionally it’s a cryin’ shame that Link Wray wasn’t inducted before he passed away this month at age 76. You know, when I see Wray’s omission I can’t possibly consider the Sex Pistols.
And Blondie? Hey I like listening to “Heart of Glass” and “Call Me” as much as the next gay hairdresser on disco night at the roller rink, but there are just too many other eligible bands and musicians to consider first. This just seems like an overly popular pick to get teenage girls interested in visting the Hall in Cleveland. Apparently there’s not enough girls roaming the R&R Hall—there's only lonely, pimply dudes and fat balding comic book guys lurking the corridors.
You know, Blondie clears the path for Shakira someday. Yeah I know it’s preposterous, but just wait until the year 2027 when the inductees might include Loverboy, Ace of Base, and Jesus Jones.
Anyway, order is key. Blondie doesn’t get in unless The Cars are in first—which they aren’t. Straddling new wave and rock, the Cars wrote better songs, made better records, sold more records, and c’mon, penned the greatest song used on film for a scene featuring a stunningly hot girl climbing out of a pool and taking her top off in slow motion. Best Blondie ever did was monopolize K-Tell records for few years in the late 70’s.
Maybe after Van Halen, George Benson, or hell, even Captain and Tennille are in, then, okay maybe Blondie. Maybe Spit Endz first, too. There’s some gray area here. How about this—Van Halen I vs. Bollocks? That’s right, VH baby. Dumm, dumm, dumm, dumm...
Song of the Day:
“Ten Years Gone” Led Zeppelin 1975
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( 11:27 PM )
The following handwritten letter was found crumpled on the steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
What’s all this stuff I keep hearing about ‘intelligent design?’ Christ, I thought Delta Burke wasn’t even on TV anymore. So how did you muster at the condiments seminar? We’ll have to catch up soon ‘cause the anticipation is killing me. I’m not sure that stupid Weather Chimp on Channel 12 knows what he’s talking about—he’s been predicting a category five banana storm for weeks now, and don’t even get me started on Channel 7’s Sports Duck—he used his bill to pick the Seahawks vs. the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Or was it the Ravens vs. the Falcons? Hmm, maybe this bird flu thing is getting to me. Damn, I probably shouldn’t have made out with Hawkman over at the Nest, huh?
I have a theory that humans evolved from eggplants,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Flight of Icarus” Iron Maiden 1983
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