( 8:11 PM )
The following handwritten note was recently discovered on the hallowed grounds of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
Damn, I’m so bummed! Mensa rejected my application again even though I’ve repeatedly disproved Einstein’s Theory of Relativity, infected and cured myself from a new form of intestinal ringworm, and rewritten dozens of Jim Croce songs laced with gratuitous f-bombs. What more do they need? My live cussing karaoke renditions of “Fucking Time in a Bottle,” I Got a Fucking Name,” and “Bad Fucking Leroy Brown?” Hey have you noticed it’s like pulling teeth to get that Russian exchange student Anesthesia to go see a dentist? Maybe it’s because she’s ambidextrous--you know, she goes both ways and has both male and female body parts. I can relate--I’m obviously double jointed!
If we only could only harness the staggering power of lipstick,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Operator (That’s Not the Fucking Way it Feels)” “Evil” Jim Croce
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( 11:17 PM )
The following crumpled-up letter was just discovered on the grounds of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
Hey do dogs have kneecaps? What about butterflies—do they have butts? Just wondering because I was thinking of letting that weird kid who cuts himself do my taxes this year. It’ll be like shooting monkeys in a barrel I tell you. I say when life gives you onions you got to make lemonade. Hmm, maybe that’s not the expression—oh yeah, not make brokeback mountains over manly molehills. Anyway I smell a big refund!
The Golden Globes definitely belonged to Mariah Carey,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Prayers For Rain” The Cure 1989
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( 10:58 PM )
The following handwritten letter was discovered crumpled on the wet steps of McKinley Hall:
Dear Lisa,
Today was easily the worst day of the new year so far. Early this morning I got spermicide in my eye, then this afternoon I required a paramedic team rescue after I got stuck in my grandfather’s barcalounger playing hide-and-go-seek with my nephew, and later found out that my operation to add a second stomach won’t mean I can eat twice as much. Plus I didn’t win the lottery again and rinsing with Turd mouthwash seems to be leaving a bad taste in my mouth. 2006 sucks so far! That tears it—I’m never buying dental hygiene products from the Roto-Rooter out on route 64 ever again. Hmm, wonder if I shouldn’t have purchased those pregnancy tests (given out as stocking stuffers) from the dudes at Green Thumb Tree Service (I’m apparently prime for planting). Hey at least my outdoor curling league for people with upside down pancreases starts next week.
Pine needles make gum-stabby toothpicks,
Kristin
Song of the Day:
“Get Out of My Life Woman” Wilmer & The Dukes 1969
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