( 10:55 PM )
(Song title pending - got a suggestion?)
I was born in Cleveland, Ohio and trained by my parents to be a Browns fan. At the time, the team was coming off of winning seasons and even an NFL Championship. However, since I've been on planet Earth, I've suffered through the Browns' countless losing seasons by putting posters of Jim Brown, Leroy Kelly and Jim Nelson(?) on the walls of the room I shared with my brother. Somewhere down the line, God saved me from the punishment of being a Browns fan.
I wish I could remember when I saw the light, but I can't remember exactly when it was. My mom thinks it was early on because my best friend's father in Cleveland played for the Steelers. But I was 5 and knew better than to cause any trouble that would prevent me from getting fed. The light may have shone down the day of the Immaculate Reception because I remember rooting for the Raiders in that game, and being upset that the Raiders were going to lose because Franco Harris caught the ball. I have no idea why I was rooting for Oakland in that game, but the play was cool enough that I had to change sides. But I'm not sure that play caused me to give up on the Browns either.
So I think it happened when my parents got my brother and I an electronic football game. Im pretty sure we both fought over who would get the Browns, and somehow he "won" and I got the other team. At some point after that, we ordered our own teams and I got the Steelers and the rest is history.
And then by the time of the 1974 Super Bowl I made my first ever bet with my brother, believing that the Steelers would mash the Vikings. I was right and my brother had to make my bed for a week (yes, I was a big spending risk taker from the git-go).
Frankly, I was too young to appreciate and really remember how much fun it was to win those 4 Super Bowls back in the '70s. I know my family was always rooting against me, but I always ended up gloating. Then 10 years ago, I was primed and ready when the "Stillers" faced the Cowboys. I was working at Columbia Records at the time, and they had an artist lounge that was decked out with a big screen Sony TV, various video games, large, comfy lounge chairs and a fridge - the perfect place for a Stupor Bowl party. My pal Monica Hooks and another friend brought beverages and kicked back for a good game. Cowhers's call for an onside kick in the 2nd half remains one of my all-time favorite play calls, because it succeeded and totally changed the momentum of the game. Then Neil O'Donnell threw it all away. Literally.
So I'm back on the precipice again. A win and 26 consecutive years of sad endings to football seasons will come to a close. A loss and it's back to reading sports columnists make up bullshit about Cowher not being able to win the big one. Hopefully my convuluted history of Steeler support will not go for naught in the aughts.
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2 comments
( 11:51 PM )
Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me And My Monkey
How doth thy New York Times sucketh? Let thine count thee ways.
First, the Times resorts to borrowing ideas from the magazine I work at. But now they've gone entirely too freakin' far. In this article here that you will only be able to read until January 29, 2006 or so because the Times are such money sucking scoundrels that they only let their articles live for a week on the web, you'll find that Ben Sissy or something reads my blog. It's obvious because he stole my premise of reviewing Love Monkey through the prism of a real music biz A&R guy. Not only does he pilfer my premise, but he reaches many of the same conclusions (albeit in a far less entertaining manner). I'd sue him, but but so many eyes peruse this here blog that it would be hard to prove a friend didn't give him the idea after reading my last post. Bastards. The Times also stole 2Walls patented "live time" reviews when they responded to Georgie Poohs SOTU speech last year (look it up yourself, we've been doing it for years here at the two tee double you 'alls).
Next - this really isn't worth mentioning, but I just saw DL Hughley walking into the Royalton Hotel as I was walking out. I alsmot slammed the door into him and his lady, but apologized when I recognized him. However, the reason I bring it up here is because the last time I saw a celebrity walking into the Royalton as I was walking out was Stevie Wonder. After telling a friend that, he smartly replied, "Did he see you?" So I thought it was worth mentioning for that bad joke.
What was a schmuck like me doing at the high-fallutin' Royalton? Hanging with CAA agent/wiz Brett Steinberg. Brett (aka Bucky) comes to NYC every January for a convention and somehow I got lucky as we stumbled into the habit of having a very good steak dinner each year. This time we visited the Palm and both of us think it was one of the best steaks we've ever had. Ummmm, red meat.
Also - went to Chicago last week and had a very good time with my top boss and co-workers. I really love Chicago and the place resonated enough within me to remind me that it's one of the few other places in America where I could live.
Lastly - in case you missed it, the freakin' Pittsburgh Steelers won the AFC Championship game. I'm happy about it, but not out-of-my-mind excited. In fact, if you had been with me you would have thought I was rather non-plused about the whole affair. And I think that's true. I've ALWAYS wondered why teams say their goal is to reach the Super Bowl. Fuck that. The goal should be to win the Super Bowl because as Coach Cowher said, "No one remembers the team that loses the Super Bowl." So obviously my favorite moment was when you could see Cowher mouthing the words to Steelers owner Dan Rooney "one more." One more indeed. Then I'll be dancing on the ceiling and running naked in the streets.
The deeper you go the higher you fly
The higher you fly the deeper you go
So come on come on
Come on is such a joy
Come on is such a joy
Come on make it easy
Come on make it easy.
Take it easy take it easy
Everybody's got something to hide except for me and
my monkey.
--The Beatles
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1 comments
( 10:16 PM )
Monkey Time
So I'm flipping around the cable universe and stumbled upon CBS' new show Love Monkey about 7 minutes into the premiere. I've always been skeptical about movies and TV shows about the music industry - especially one that combines it with a guy searching for love/on the prowl. But since there wasn't anything remotely watchable at the time (other than college basketball - but football season isn't over for me, so I can't focus on that yet), I decided to tune in.
Since the show just went into it's first commercial break, I just decided I'm going to do some real time commentary with scoring. Here we go....
1) It's kind of embarrasing to admit this, but I've hung out with guys and at the mere mention of a one-of-a-kind woman, we've said her name in unison and sighed. + 1 point.
2) No A&R meeting EVER - in the history of recorded music - took place in a brightly lit room with the shades open. - 3 points.
3) Great comments on music - Billy Joel, Jewel, etc. +1 point.
4) Speech during the A&R meeting sounded too much like the speech from the beginning of Jerry Maguire. - 2 points.
5) Essential Dylan as baby shower gift. + 3 points.
6) Would a woman really ask a guy about marrying her before doing it? (No point score - just seriously trying to figure out if woman are that fucking crazy).
7) Very, very few, if any, A&R guys are cool. And Tom's blathering while trying to pick up the chick at the bar gives him a little of the geek quality that most A&R dudes have. I can't tell how "cool" this dude is or is supposed to be, but we'll give them a + 2 for that.
8) Quoting song lyrics in random sentences + 1 point.
9) Thinking you can just start your own label without financial backing (even indie level) - 3 points.
10) Grant's Law: + 3 points.
11) Trying to scam an artist (Wayne) from another label. + 1 point.
12) NYC tour of rock & roll landmarks + 4 points. Just too bad they did it so quickly.
13) Wayne actually sounds worth signing (or at least listening to). + 1 point.
14) Ok - how obvious is it that the girl Tom is looking for is the chick he seems to keep having conversations with (Bran/Judy Greer) throughout the show. The one who just laid it out for him on the stoop. Can't give this points yet, because if we have to go through more than 5 shows for this relationship to start, it's crap. And if the relationship starts in just 5 episodes, the show's over. Sweden.
15) Wayne not knowing Tom has been shit-canned from the label. - 2 points. Would never happen. Word would be plus hard on the boulevard.
16) An A&R guy being honest about where an artist should sign? Only in Hollywood. - 2 points.
17) WAIT - was the ex-jock gay? Wow + 10 if that's the case - just for opening up that can of worms.
Bonus points:
Jason Priestly falling to the role of the pathetic geeky guy: + 1 point.
Casting Ivana Milicevic from Mind of the Married Man in the show: + 5 points. Va-va voom!
So overall - Love Monkey gets a surprising 12 positive points (not counting #17 because we're not sure about that yet). Which means if I'm around this time next week (and I can remember), I'll be watching.
There's a place right across town, whenever you're ready
Where people gather 'round, whenever they're ready
And then the music begins to play
You feel a groove comin' on its way
Are you ready (are you ready)
Well, you get yours, cause-a I got mine
For the Monkey Time (Monkey Time)
--Major Lance
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0 comments
( 6:26 PM )
Shake, Rattle & Roll
There's little better than being an underdog and beating the odds. For some reason, we love it when David hands Goliath his ass, and yesterday I loved most of the Steelers beatdown of the Indy Colts.
But I have to admit I got a little worried along the way. In fact, somewhere in the last 5 minutes of the game, I had to go get a drink to help calm down and stop my hands from shaking. Seriously. I know it's kind of pathetic, but I've vested about 24 years of love into the Steelers, and was not about to watch my team kick ass and have it taken away on a near fluke play.
Most of the shaking came because of the odious and offensive referreeing that ocurred during the game. Let's see: WR Randle-El gets mugged trying to make a catch (that if successful, coulda/woulda put the Colts down by 3 TDs), and the refs don't see it. Pro Bowl safety Troy Polamalu makes a clear interception (his knee came off the ground when he rolled over and he clearly made the catch and had control and possession), but the refs overrule their original correct call. Peyote Manning was probably tackled for a safety, but I'll give the umps the benefit of the doubt on that one. And since when do you have a "do-over" in professional football? Either the Colts were drawn offsides or they were offsides - there's no purgatory in football. Sheesh.
But the football gods were with Pittsburgh and thus my team is advancing to the top AFC game for the 6th time in Bill Cowher's 14 year head coaching career. For all the crap Cowher has gotten for losing AFC Championship games (NOT from me though), it's about time he got some recognition for the amazing job he's done with the Steelers year after year (win or lose next week). I mean the dude has gotten to this game with a lot of baggage (Kordell Stewart, Mike Tomczak? or Neil "Do you really think I wasn't paid off for those Super Bowl interceptions" O'Donnell for instance) and now a 2nd year QB who appears to be writing the opening chapter in a Hall of Fame career. And Cowher's decision to put the game on Big Ben's back and go pass happy to start, surprised the Colts, put his team in position to win and was great football strategy. Not sure why they give the Coach of the Year award out so early, but if the Steelers go on to win the Super Bowl (let a guy dream, will ya?!), I'm not sure how anyone but Cowher would qualify to win it.
Now I don't want to make a prediction for next week because last week my head believed the Steelers would lose, but my heart was sure they would win. So since my my head and heart are on the same page this time (basically because of the football cliches - they're playing the best football in the AFC at the moment, and defense wins championships), I don't want to jinx it. However, if it takes a drink and a toke to help my boys bring home the brass (and to help me calm down while I'm watching them do it), then consider me the man for the job.
I went over the hill, way down underneath
I went over the hill, way down underneath
You make me roll my eyes
And then you make me grit my teeth
Well I said shake, rattle and roll
I said shake rattle and roll
I said shake, rattle and roll
I said shake rattle and roll
Well you won't do right
To save your doggone soul
--Big Joe Turner (NOT Elvis)
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1 comments
( 1:34 PM )
My Hometown
Looks like my high school hometown has finally come into the 21st century. Will miracles never cease?
Of course, alcohol being illegal didn't stop us from getting beer - especially while we were in high school. Anyone who lived in the Gahanna/Westerville area knew that with a little patience and willingness to drive around the block a few times, the Custer Brothers drive-through would come through for you in the end.
I was eight years old and running with a dime in my hand
Into the bus stop to pick up a paper for my old man
I'd sit on his lap in that big old Buick and steer as we drove through town
He'd tousle my hair and say son take a good look around this is your hometown
This is your hometown
This is your hometown
This is your hometown
--Bruce Springsteen
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1 comments
( 10:45 PM )
The Reality of My Surroundings
Man am I evil. This morning I awoke to the news that Cheney was in the hospital for a breathing/heart medicine problem. And my very first thought - mind you before my brain was actually awake and functioning - was "good, maybe the fucker will die and we'll be able to impeach Bush without putting that rat bastard in charge." (NSA moniotring people - please note - that is in no way an attempt on the Veep's life. While I don't like him, I'm fully comfortable with God's will to take him whenever he chooses the Dick's time is up. Of course, if there's a God, there's no fucking way Cheney is going to heaven. Just ask Pat Robertson.).
Anyway - that was really mean of me. And the only reason I'm sharing it is because, if you've ever read my blog, you'll know that I"ve been on the impeach W bandwagon for some time. Especially starting last summer. But after having a good debate with my pal Greg Joseph, who argued that people should use impeachment sparingly, I began to see the ends of the means I've been advocating. And the end is President Richard Cheney. Shudder, shiver, ouch. Somewhere, millions of grandmothers, Vietnam vets and babies are rolling over in their graves. So while I only partially agree with Greg (sparingly yes - but not again because the Republicans used it in a superficial manner, no. At some point the oft repeated "rule of law" either has principled meaning in your life, or it's just a catch phrase that you utter when things are working with or against you), you've got to make some real life choices at some point. And the reality of my surroundings is there's no way we're going to get Cheney for his crimes (until Fitzgerald issues his indictment - probably at some point in 2009 considering the pace he's on), so we may as well live with W since he'll probably do less damage (less damage being a VERY subjective phrase).
While we're cruising throught the blogspot though, we may as well weigh in a couple of sports things that had me twisted last week. I knew the Buckeyes were going to beat Our Lady, but had no idea we'd crush them like we did (yeah we - got a problem with that?). And I told Jack Sowers that UT was going to take USC out (because ND almost beat them and freakin' Fresno State was in the game until late). But my pick of the Steelers taking the Bungles out at home was risky, but not surprising. The D always takes a quarter to warm up, and when the offense wasn't penalizing itself, it was moving the ball with relative ease. So I truly wasn't worried when they were down 10. The playoff road will likely stop in Indy though. But if it doesn't, the Patriots and the rest of the NFC better get used to losing. Word.
I cannot get over legitimately, the reality
Of my surroundings do not point to the sky
So why should I even try (when there's nuthin' out there to be)
I cannot grow up to be the president
Where only drug dealers own Mercedes Benz
If you tell me otherwise it will only look like lies (when there's
Nothing out there for me)
Your education will do me no good
In my neighborhood
All that I see is scrapin' and scrounging
In my neighborhood
If you can show me how to do good
In my neighborhood
Maybe I discontinue my lounging in my neighborhood
So many millions feel this
--Fishbone "So Many Millions"
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