Reconsidering All Things
September 1, 2003
by Mike Webb

WREAKING HAVOC

With our friend Alexander Washburn away wreaking havoc somewhere other than NYC, I thought I’d fill in for him on the “Politically Incoherent” slot. Incoherence is one of my specialties, and there are lots of insane things happening that need reconsideration. So we’ll spin AW’s “All Things Reconsidered (ATR)” into "Reconsidering All Things (RAT)" and lay some common sense on ya.

IRAQ

The Thing: You can’t be an "opposition party" if you don’t "oppose" and Democrats who didn’t oppose the war in Iraq are starting to feel the pinch. Howard Dean seized the momentum in the Dem presidential race specifically because he gave voice to the many people who knew that this war was stupid. Sure the political wisdom of the moment decried that it was going to be an easy victory and Kerry, Gephardt, Edwards, Clinton and crew didn’t want to be on the wrong side of it with no vote on the mislabeled “war against terror,” so they held their noses (presumably) and said go for it dude. But now, 3 months after the hostilities have ended (well that’s what the photo op on the aircraft carrier told us) those politically shrewd "yes" votes are beginning to look very dumb and cowardly.

The Reconsideration: It’s called leadership, and as soon as politicians remember that taking unpopular stands for the right reasons is the correct political move every time, we’ll be better off. A "no vote" last fall could have given weapons inspectors in Iraq more time and led Congress to have an actual, Constitutionally mandated debate in front of the American people about the potential costs, threats, length and necessity of the war, and we would have had a better idea of the new Middle Eastern ground zero we were creating. It’s hard to disagree that getting rid of Saddam was a good thing, but an international UN force could have accomplished that. The goal of this war seems to have been providing new business opportunities for big Bush donors and their crony corporate weasel friends, not Iraqi humanitarian concerns. American troops are being killed on a regular basis, many Iraqis still have no water or power (remember how upset we were when we went without it for 24 hours?), terrorists are streaming in from other countries to join in the jihad, and it’s costing us $1 billion a week. If that’s victory, then I guess Vietnam was a success too.

9/11, NEW YORK CITY AIR QUALITY AND THE EPA

Truth: A report by the EPA’s inspector general shows that the White House ordered the agency to run all reports and memos by it before they were announced to the public. So when the EPA wanted to warn New Yorkers about their poor air quality in the aftermath of the 9/11 Trade Center destruction, the warnings were softened or deleted by Condi & Co.

Justice: Sure we were all a little spooked by the attacks, but telling the public it was okay to do something they knew we shouldn’t be doing is just plain mean and should be illegal. The stench of burned steel, melted plastic and pissed pants hung over the city for about a month afterward. Now I know that breathing is not an optional behavior, but given a warning, we could have at least done whatever was possible to protect ourselves. Instead, we were lied to and mislead again by the Bush Administration. Hopefully, after the voters get their revenge in November 2004, the trial lawyers will have a shot at the rat bastard too.

FOX NEWS/AL FRANKEN LAWSUIT

Hype: I really thought this lawsuit was a marketing ploy to attract attention for Fox News. I mean the very premise was so ridiculous that it couldn’t have been serious. The words “fair and balanced” are tossed around every journalism school every day, so suing Franken over his use of the words was silly. Plus the language of the lawsuit said Al was “shrill”, “deranged”, and not a serious political figure (even though he was a Fellow at Harvard and a guest on numerous shows for his political commentary). So it just didn’t add up.

On 2nd thought: Well not only did Fox lose the injunction, but the judge openly doubted their ability to copyright the phrase “fair and balanced” and Franken now has the #1 book on Amazon. And to put the final nail in the coffin, Judge Chin said, “I don't know if Fox is arguing that its consumers are less sophisticated than people who would buy the book.” Um, your honor, I think any slightly “sophisticated” person can answer that.

NEW YORK CITY COUNCIL DOES IT AGAIN

Fact: The New York City Council just passed a law making it illegal to taunt an opponent at a sporting event (from little league to the pros). According to the Village Voice, the council quietly passed the law and only one of them had sense enough to vote against it.

Should Be Fiction: If this law is enforced, New York City will eventually have the most overcrowded jails in the nation. Being rude, especially at sporting events, is a birthright in NYC, so if you can’t take it then – geddafucouttahaer! This has to be a late April Fools joke. In case you’re keeping track, NYC has now become the least fun big city in America. It's illegal to smoke and dance in bars (not an exaggeration – your club has to have a cabaret license to legally allow people to dance), and now telling the ump he’s blind is a misdemeanor. Laugh now, but sex is next.

(Mike Webb is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine and is not actually Alexander Washburn in disguise)