Reconsidering All Things (RAT)
August 1, 2004
by Mike Webb

WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY

In an attempt to become a more realized player in the political punditry game, 2Walls (with a lot of accidental help from America’s oldest weekly magazine) anted up and asked the Congressional Press Gallery for a green hall credential to get RAT inside the Fleet Center for the 2004 Democratic convention in Boston. Here’s what RAT recollects:

Thing: If you watched the convention on TV, you probably think the Democrats are one big, happy political party that plays “We Are Family” and “Shout” one too many times. Apparently they stand for a stronger America, better education, affordable health care, destruction of terrorists and a few more things that 90% of us probably would agree on.

Reconsideration: The reality TV version of the Dem convention would show that there are still divisions in the Party of Jefferson. Are Democrats really that hawkish? Are they really going to stop globalization and sending jobs overseas, considering that candidate Kerry basically supports free trade instead of fair trade policies? Are the nominees really supportive of Bush-like pre-emptive war policies and a world where Israel can do no wrong? Are they really for the PATRIOT Act? And why are you going to count every vote if you’re not willing to enact legislation to make sure that every vote counts? It sure looked good on TV, but the party is going to come to a screeching halt on the day that the words “President Elect” appear in front of John Kerry’s name.

Coolest sighting runners up: A frail looking, but honorable George McGovern, a frail looking and seemingly lost Steve Buscemi, the young and sexy green dressed Cate Edwards, and my wonderful city councilwoman who lives a few doors down from me, Margarita Lopez.

And the winner is: A back-in-black Joan Jett, with black hair, a black top, black leather pants and dark shades on the street outside the Fleet center. For some weird reason RAT was tempted to start singing “hello daddy, hello mom, ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch cherry bomb” to her, but luckily we refrained.

Best speech (not that RAT saw all of them or even most of them): Well it’s a tie because the Dems served up four excellent prime time speeches. Bill Clinton framed the choice Americans face better than anyone could have, contrasting the Republican record against his own. IL senate candidate Barack Obama delivered a keynote address that made the policies of the Bush Administration personal and reminded people of the “American dream.” If he had been speaking on a street corner, you would have been compelled to stop and listen. Edwards was simply John Edwards and though he went a little long and didn’t nail it, he offered a message of hope that will win (are they still soccer?) moms over. And John Kerry surprisingly delivered an upbeat speech that made Pat Buchanan say if he didn’t already know anything about Kerry, he’d be voting for him.

Cheesiest lines: Tie between “I’m John Kerry and I’m reporting for duty” and Al Gore’s “I didn’t come here tonight to talk about the past. After all, I don’t want you to think I lie awake at night counting and recounting sheep.”

Pits of protest: Convention protesters were confined to the Free Speech Zone around the corner from the Fleet Center where no delegates would see them (unless they were lost like the black political-looking official who walked through with deer-in-the-headlights fear in his eyes). Luckily, few self respecting protesters went to this pit which was fenced in and covered with barbed wire. There was also a protest about the Iraq war on the Boston Common the day before the convention began. News reports put the number of attendees at 3000, but RAT would have guessed about 300. Someone forgot to send these folks the memo that Democrats know they’re split on what to do about Iraq, but they’re going to shut up and hope for the best from Kerry.

Thank goodness for the First Amendment: The worst protesters were the anti abortion folks who were near the Fleet Center and drove through the streets with pictures of aborted feti/fetuses. These religious nuts win the prize for tastelessness. Not only did they not win anyone over to their cause, they probably strengthened peoples’ resolve to keep abortion safe and legal.

Worst convention coverage: Since most Americans get their news from the national TV networks, it’s a shame they could only muster 3 hours of coverage the whole week. Surely the American people deserve an opportunity to have our public airwaves used to inform us of our political parties plans for the future. And don’t give RAT the line that the cable networks covered most of the convention. Fox, CNN and MSNBC’s talking heads punditized during most of the speeches, so few viewers got to hear what the actual political playmakers had to say.

Best convention coverage: C-SPAN is admittedly boring because they just broadcast the event without slick production values. However, if you’re tuning in to hear what the Democrats or Republicans want to do to/for you, then C-SPAN is the unfettered way to get it. Plus, the channel gave you a feel for the events that were going on outside of the convention, like the excellent panel discussion featuring the major news program anchors making lame excuses about how they wish their network would provide more coverage.

Other conventional observations

Best food: Free food wins everytime. So my thanks to all of the big corporations that shelled out big cash so a little dope like RAT could eat decent grub on the cheap most of the week. And kudos to the Union Oyster House for the best clam chowder of the week. The one thing Boston can count on beating New York in every time is New England vs Manhattan chowder.

Most disappointing convention visual: For most people this pick won’t make any sense, but seeing former Treasury Secretary Robert Rubin sitting next to Teresa Heinz during John Kerry’s speech sent a wink-wink message to the rich and big business that they shouldn’t listen to JFK mach II’s rhetoric, and should just trust that he’ll adopt Clinton’s corporate friendly economic policy.

Best drive in Boston: None. Boston is quite simply the most fucked up American city to drive in. Streets literally go one way in one direction and then one way the opposite direction one block later. Roads veer left, become another street, then veer right and become the original street you were on. Highways exits were few and far between and often closed without any warning. Now this could be fun if you wanted to make someone think they were stoned, but when you’re trying to make it to events on a timely basis, it sucks.

Most persuasive speech: Ron Reagan. Simply because his name is Reagan and his cause of furthering stem-cell studies and not being anti-science was just and sensible.

Bounce prediction: Kerry/Edwards will get a 6 point bounce in the polls from this convention. It looked good, sounded safe, and avoided all controversy. Producing a good convention spectacle doesn’t mean you’ll be a good governor for the land, but it should appeal to most of America. This bounce, however, means nothing at all because the election is in November, not in August.

(Mike Webb is a volunteer staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine)