Soup To Nuts
March 15, 2005
Column by Alexander Washburn

Way of the Gun

There wasn’t a nationwide push for smarter gun laws and restrictions when New York City Councilman James Davis was killed in the very same City Council chamber he served in two years ago. So, regretfully, there will be no move toward smart gun technology and more thorough background checks because Judge Rowland Barnes and two others were shot and killed in an Atlanta courtroom.

Thanks to the Julie Banderas’ of the world, we all know what and how it went down. We know Brian Nichols wasn’t handcuffed. We know the green Honda Accord’s license plate. What we don’t know is, if smart gun technology that enables guns only to be fired by their owner could not have only prevented the deaths of these innocent people, but could have taken away the motivation to attempt such an action in the first place.

This is just the latest disturbing story involving guns in this country. While Fox News, CNN and others, were showing us such vital news as how the electronic monitoring bracelet that Martha is wearing actually works, the General Accounting Office was releasing a report that showed over a nine-month period, officials approved 47 of 58 gun applications from people on the Federal Terrorist Watch List.

As the President tells us we should all feel safer because of free elections in Iraq, terrorists in this country are having no trouble purchasing firearms, some so powerful that they can bring down airplanes. It seems that Republicans will only fight terror when it doesn’t conflict with the will of their base vote.

Republican leadership is now fighting an amendment offered by New Jersey Democrat Frank Lautenberg, which would change the law that allows a terrorist’s gun purchase records to be destroyed within 24 hours. The Party of National Security is fighting this amendment, which would change the law so records on gun purchases by terror suspects are kept for a minimum of ten years, with all their might.

Sure, a free Iraq is a great sound bite for a country that thinks a sound bite is too much information. But the freedom the GOP is offering terror suspects in this country may very well harm us in the long run.

The Politics of Baseball

It’s not every day, or every year for that matter, that this space agrees with the New York Post’s Phil Mushnick. However, Mushnick’s March 11th column "Owners’ Commish Should Own Up to Duties" was worth a read. In the piece, Mushnick writes that the real reason Bud Selig cannot testify in front of Congress, is that the minute he states his occupation as Commissioner of Major League Baseball, he’d be committing perjury.

Bottom-line Bud has long put “what’s best for the game” in the rearview mirror. He’s all about making money for the owners. When home run records began to crash like A-Rod’s reputation among big leaguers, among the endorsements and attention the players were getting, Selig and company were reaping significant financial benefits.

Now, steroids have come to taint all those good times. The Jay Marrotti’s and the Woody Page’s of the world have rightly placed the players on the defensive, yet they’ve regrettably let Selig and the owners slide away solely because they never saw the needle. Has anyone ever asked Selig if he ever suspected anyone on the Brewers of using steroids? Did Selig ever bring up the issue with other owners and GM’s from teams with known steroid users?

And if we’re going to start talking about putting asterisk on Bonds’ 70 and eventual 715, than how about a few dollars out of the owners pockets who profited from people coming to see Brady Anderson hit 50 home runs.

In a world where Crossfire isn’t around to dissect the important political analysis for everyday Americans, a brave Congress is launching this witch-hunt without the aid of Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala. A witness list of Major League players, that’s short on owners and features only one GM, is clearly not designed to achieve any good. Typical Congress.

If we’re to buy the Congressional line and this is a public health issue, than why are only professional baseball players being called? How come there isn’t one Olympic athlete on the witness list? Nobody from the NCAA, which actually has a solid drug testing policy, has been called. Nor has any representatives from the NFL, which judging from the outrage over ESPN’s Playmakers is far from illegal drug use-free.

The iPod Worthy

I’ve been drinking a lot of Pepsi lately. I’m not much of a soda drinker and when those rare occasions arise, I’m more apt to lean toward IBC Root Beer or Blue Sky’s organic black cherry than the choice of a new generation. But when one-in-three have the chance to win a free I-Tunes song, you put old-fashioned taste and social responsibility aside in the name of music.

Last year when Pepsi first ran this giveaway, I snagged six free songs that were immediately deemed I-Pod worthy. Among the songs, nearly 35 minutes worth of music via Miles Davis’ Bitches Brew, the great single “No Myth” by Romeo in black jeans Michael Penn, the reggae-inspired “(Native Melody) This Must Be the Place” by Talking Heads, and a live version of “John Henry’s Hammer” by Ominous Seapods.

Today, this new musical rite of passage finds me a little more modest. I’m no longer looking to download the remaining Bitches Brew tracks, nor am I looking to pick up “Simple Kind of Life” by No Doubt, a song that will always remind me of Trinidad. No, this year I’m drinking Pepsi with hopes of getting one winning prize cap and downloading one cherished song. The second I see the words “One Free Song” printed inside my yellow cap, I will fire up the iBook G4 and immediately download the theme song to Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

It is by far the best TV show theme song since Laura Ingraham borrowed the opening riff of Steve Miller’s “Living in the U.S” for her barely watchable MSNBC show Watch It.

(Alexander Washburn is a staff writer for 2 Walls Webzine.)